multiplicity_archives | (no subject)

....hey. I'm usually just a LJ lurker, last few months, but I saw this community today, stumbled on it actually, and had to post here, so I made a journal.

I'm 16, um, I call myself Sage. Not my real name, just what I think of myself in my head. I always thought of myself as other names, but it's been Sage the last couple of years.

Last few months have been...not good. There's this little girl, 8 or 9, brown hair, pigtails. her name is Ruby. I remember when I was a kid, I used to talk to her, imaginary friend or something. Well, 4 or 5 months ago she came back. I don't know how to explain it...like in my head but not really. It's not voices, more like a person. I don't know why I know how she looks, since she's not really a real person but...she doesn't really 'front' as it's called her (I dont really know the lingo that will) doesn't talk usually. Sometimes she does, she used to a lot when I was young I think butnow she's just there. I feel her there sorta. She talks sometimes though.

There's also Augustine. I usually don't 'feel' her, like she doesn't hang around like Ruby...she comes out sometimes though. She's like, really good. Like, she'll just clean things and make things nice and help strangers, or pray (I'm agnostic, she's christian I think). Most of the time when I do something really nice or commedable, it's her. Like, the other day she cleaned the entire kitchen for my mom, for no reason. I don't really...control her, but she takes over gently, not scary like.

Last few weeks theres...someone else I think. I can sense her but don't know who she is. She wont speak or communicate but she is there sometime, sort of scary. Like, the other day, my hand was moving and I wasn't the one doing it. Or I walked downstairs a few days ago (monday I think) and my hair was in a ponytail and I can't rember at all putting it that way, I never relly wear it in a ponytail. She seems more like me than Augustine and Ruby, but also darker then them, a bit scary. Ansd she wont say anything

The whole thing is, I don't know whats going on. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. I'm the main 'front' person and no one knows, I dont want them thinking I am crazy. Till I sort of saw this community I though maybe I was. Like I had DID or something. Do I?

Anyway, sorry for such a huge post...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

hello! nice to meet you :)

we've learned over the years that it doesn't matter what the label is just that we ARE.

Anise

Heh, your situation sounds a bit like mine. One of my others used to be my imaginary friend when I was a kid. Someone I could tell my little childish secrets to, someone I could talk to, someone I could play with and not feel so lonely. As I got older, he sort of dissappeared (or maybe I just dismissed him out of my mind). Lately, however, he's popped back up and he seems to have grown with me and has developed into a full person on his own. He doesn't front a lot, he knows better than that. Except that he talks alot and has a hard time shutting up sometimes. Can get very distracting.

I have others, one or two that I sort of remember when I was a kid, and some that just seemed to have appeared spontaneously at different times for no reason at all. Some maybe just fragments of people, others feel like they're actually real people in my head. I feel some stronger than others and at different times too.

I also have a dark other who doesn't come around often but when she does, it's just very scary. She doesn't talk to anyone either, nor does anyone really want to talk to her. I haven't been able to get a word out of her, but one of my others (the first one I mentioned above) has tried to talk to her and he says he won't ever do it again. She freaked him out that much.

I, too, feel like I'm going crazy, sometimes. I'm the 'core' (main fronter and probably the first one in here). When my others started to appear (or re-appear in some cases) just recently this year, I started to think I was going crazy. I kept thinking that there's no way anyone in the world is as crazy as me. Then I found this community, and a few online friends who share my experience and I feel comforted by it all. I haven't been diagnosed by my therapist as having DID or anything yet, but I have just started to see him. So I don't know if I have it either.

I'm glad you have found this community :)

:)

I'm still sort of surprised/happy in because now I'm thinking maybe I'm not a total nutcase. You guys sound pretty sane to me. It's nice to know your not alone.

And yeah, she is scary, though I don't know...I sort of really want to to talk or at least have her aknowlege me....I feel like she's sort of someone who'd be able to relate to me more that Augustine and Ruby...

bleh, I feel silly actually talking about this to other people. I haven't ever before really, and it's like, it makes me feel...like a 'crazy' person for talking about them.

I also have a "dark" other, Shi, who is a/the Goddess of Death. Unlike your other, she wont shut up >_< I'm not sure which would be preferable....

Going to call mine the Dark Twin, at least for now...iit feels right I guess, though for all I know she hates it...maybe she'll say something about it :)

None of mine really talk. Ruby, sometimes, rarely recently. Augustine never talks to me, just randomly takes over and does nice stuff. Dark Twin won't either, though she's starting to be here more and more I think.

I almost feel like theres something wrong with me that none of them want to talk. I should be happy that I'm not hearing voices but I'm not...

There's nothing wrong with you because they wont talk. Most of my others don't talk to me, actually. Shi is one of the two that do.

Don't think of "talking" as necessarily hearing physical sounds with your ears. We communicate all the time amongst ourselves, but it's always through a sort of telepathy. Mostly we just experience things together.

Incidentally, I have no idea what "dark" means when it refers to members of multiple systems, although I hear it all the time. That they're eeeeeeeeevil or something, I guess. Certainly we don't have any eeeeeeeeeeevil members here (disagreeable, maybe). Even Shi sounds pretty neat. ;)

"Dark ones" is a slippery term and doesn't mean the same thing to all systems. For some, dark ones are those who generally don't have the best of outlooks or intentions, and who may cause problems, or who may not follow the general rules. Other times, dark ones are just mysterious, shadowy types. They need not be hostile or present a threat, but as always, nothing can be assumed.

There are dark ones who enjoy bringing disturbances to a system, while others keep particular knowledges or skills to themselves, and just don't feel like being a part of the whole group. Some who style themselves "dark ones" are protective types in fearsome guises (vampires, werewolves etc.). Ask if you're not sure.

http://www.kitsune.cx/blackbirds/layman

I dont want them thinking I am crazy. Till I sort of saw this community I though maybe I was. Like I had DID or something. Do I?

Just chiming in to say that it's entirely possibly to be plural without fitting into the DID/MPD kind of model... obviously, I don't know your situation, but if you don't feel like it's a disorder, like if there are other people around, but you aren't losing time all over the place or feeling like your life is very negatively affected by it... There are a number of functional-multiple systems on this community, who have more than one person per body but don't in any way identify with the MPD/DID label.

A couple of functional-multiplicity sites in case you want to read more about it:
http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural
http://www.kitsune.cx/~amorpha/

... anyway, hi, and welcome. :)

Thanks for the sites...I never really thought of looking into this online. I'll definetly look at them. Thanks. :)

It is definitely possible to be multiple and have more than one person sharing your body without having MPD or DID. Your experiences don't sound that much different from our Jay's when he was first realizing that these presences he'd always felt around him were not "just imaginary friends because I'm stupid and never grew up", but were persons, people in our own right, us.

Being multiple doesn't mean you have to have your whole life fall apart. And your "dark" friend might just be a bit mysterious.

And no, you don't sound crazy at all.

*seconds (thirds?) what Senza Fine & Astraea said*
Also, what you said about Ruby not being inclined to front -- we have a bunch of people like that, too. There are a whole heap of people in our system, but only me, Sláva, and the Brown sisters come out front with any sort of regularity, and it's very rare that there's only one person out front; it usually happens when I'm in class, or otherwise geeking out, or when Sláva is singing.

The Layman's Guide to Multiplicity (http://www.kitsune.cx/blackbirds/layman/) is pretty good, too, it's another functional-multiplicity site. We (i.e., my system) consider multiplicity simply our natural state, we've never been diagnosed with DID and don't fit the criteria for it anyhow.

welcome.

i will be brief. mine talk, we all talk to each other. i've had 17 years of getting used to them & stuff though. shrugs. i've had "Darks". Still have a half - Dark here whos benevolent & a protector, but shes an exception. Most of my Darks were evil. pure & simple. shrugs not saying that to scare anyone or saying yours are like my own. i'm just giving you a different perspective. i will grant no ones experience is necessarily the same but sometimes it is similar.

we were 200+ easily into the lower 300s i suppose if i thought bout it. we integrated many years ago. long story short, the Dark got missed, another was never fully merged & 2 others split off again. all things considered i'm happier being multiple.

if you wanna yak or something just drop a line to me on this site or email heatheri at telusplanet.net

(no subject)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

From the good old Layman's Guide:

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject