multiplicity_archives | (no subject)

My name is Lucien, and I am a member of a multiple system.
It's shocking for me to admit it, but I suppose that I must.
I've been living an online life entirely separate from the others in my system, something that none of the others have tried. I've posted here and there in this community and in some other multiple's journals under Ace's username, taka_kitsune. I suppose it's all of ours, in some ways, since it was our journal before Ace realized that she wasn't alone, before we were allowed to be people in our own right.

I suppose my biggest problem with being multiple is that I am male, and the body is not. Does that make me a transsexual? *Laughs* I suppose it does. It sounds a lot kinkier when speak of it that way. Looking in the mirror is always a shock, seeing this pretty blonde looking back at me. The eyes are close, though. Grey. The body's eyes change, and when they are grey... I can almost see myself looking back through them, as if this face was but a mask, as if I could peel it away.
But I cannot. I will never be myself again, in my own body. I'll never have the chance to kiss someone I love with my own lips... Hell, I'll probably never have a chance to kiss anyone at all, and even if I could... they would never love me for myself. It depresses me. Extremely, sometimes. I feel like I'll drown in my lonliness, like I will die here in this prison of flesh. And fuck subtlety. I miss my dick.

I once had a conversation with a girl who was in love with a fictional character.
How do you explain it when you yourself are a fictional character in love with someone real?

I am rambling, though.
I'll go back to smothering my thoughts in online gaming and perhaps in sleep.
Though someone else always takes the body at night.
If it were me, I would stare at the ceiling till sunrise.
Alone in the flesh, if not in the mind.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I once had a conversation with a girl who was in love with a fictional character.
How do you explain it when you yourself are a fictional character in love with someone real?

If you are here and talking to us, I don't think you're a fictional character, not the way people usually say "fictional". Maybe you have fictional origins - I don't know - but since you have your own thoughts and feelings, you're obviously real. Not having your own body doesn't make you not-real.

...I miss my own body, too. The one I have now is the right gender, at least, but it makes me sad to know I'll never really look like me again.

Viola

Nah. I'll answer my speculations about my origins in another post.

I'm sorry - I didn't mean I was asking about your origins, I was just... saying, cause I do know some people who have fictional origins, including me, sort of. But I didn't mean you should tell us or anything.

Viola

Oh! No! I was just saying that I don't want to type it over again. It's here somewhere. I posted. Yeah. Um.

Right.

where do you come from?

Where does anyone come from?

i didn't mean it to be rude. it's just. my friend has did and i guess i'm just looking for some understanding.

Then look. Learn. Hell, I'm still learning, figuring out how to live with this. *Shrugs*

Well, can I ask you something? Like, did all of the people in your group just suddenly come out or were they always there?

We've always been around. Well... I've always been aware of our multiplicity, but Ace, who is generally "at front," meaning that she's the one interacting with the world, didn't really believe that we existed for quite a while. Most of the time, we could act as a stable individual, but then things started falling apart. We eventually had to re-order ourselves, and acknowledge our multiplicity. E-mail me if you want something more in-depth about our personal experience.

Mel has been in love with fictional characters. The people were real enough, but she made up their entire personality in her head because she couldn't approach the people

Tara