Why can't therapists understand?

[aquilawolf.livejournal.com]

I had a phone conversation today with a potential therapist. I was wanting someone to support me and help me accept myself as multiple and to help me to not dominate the front (I am the most capable one when it comes to interacting with other people) and I wanted to learn to step back more and let others come out, to let the children up to play more. 

What was I thinking?

Surely there are therapists that would be able to do just that, but this person was instead (she explained how she worked) telling me that I would have to be the 'chairman' and control the others and work toward integration, to somehow get my needs met so they  wouldn't need to exist, and that each of them had a job and thats why they were there.

LOL. I declined her help, bless her, as she was willing to work with me and my not so great financial situation, but my kids were terrifed, by protector on the alert, and my brainy talking explainy self going overboard to try and tell her how my system worked. We were cooperative, I didn't want integration (and if it happens by itself or between and with some because they choose that is different), but I wanted to instead of control, learn how to drop back and not dominate the front!!

LOL again. It just seems so darn funny right now. And in explaining how when I do drop back and let someone else out, the stress (usually, or often, depends on the situation) dissolves and the whole system feels better, yet this seemed to make no difference. Making me better meant integration with me? why me, just cause I talked to her, with me as the chairman!! (Bless this woman, she meant well). Which would mean continual stress and eventualy collapse, but I guess this idea of hers is the traditional training. Maybe it even works for some systems, but by golly, so glad to have enough awareness of my system to not feel there was something wrong with me or that I should accept what she was saying, but still some of us found this phone conversation very disturbing.

Just wanted to post this here so I don't feel so alone and isolated out in the singleton world where therapists who mean well don't understand that a multiple/system might be cooperative and work better that way and want assistence with better internal relationships, better listening to the need of others to front and cofront more. (Rather than controling them and making them disappear... oh I think I said that.... we just can't get over this idea of control... and if anyone needs that it is me the one she wanted to do the controling, as I was the one, or part of the complex, that got a sortof lockdown four years ago as the others fought there way out.  Not feeling funny anymore. She wanted to do to my system the very thing that caused it to collapse. And because I can talk well and answered the phone she assumes that I am the one that should be the chairman, doesn't matter if I can't feel my heart unless one of the others is with me.

Does anyone know of a particular type of title, or style of therapy that someone experienced with multiples might use who would be helpful?

Comments

[melange-fiesta.livejournal.com]

The problem is that such integration training is what does work for a lot of people with the genuine disorder of DID, so how is she supposed to know you're any different? Does that make sense?

Also, have you ever read the book The Minds of Billy Milligan? I believe he was basically the classic example of DID... and he did integrative therapy, and his system members wanted to, and it did work for them. Of course, in that case, the "original" personality Billy would lose weeks or months of his life at a time, and had no idea the rest of them even existed.

[melange-fiesta.livejournal.com]

Well, okay... I could answer my own question by saying that she could be openminded and try a different approach on you. But I've noticed that a lot of therapists really like to stick by whatever methodology and training THEY received... which in my opinion is a mistake, but whatever. (I'm considering being a psychotherapist myself.)

[aquilawolf.livejournal.com]

She is supposed to know I'm different because I clearly told her what my system was needing, and she did finally realize that she wouldn't be an appropriate therapist for me just as I clearly knew the same thing.

What bothered me most was that she was assuming that the person that called her, that she was talking to, should be the chairman. Why? Rather than say something to the effect of getting to know people and letting them choose, or help in directing them to choose who they thought should be the 'chairman', she is putting that pressure and 'job' on someone who may not be appropriate at all, and it felt a bit like 'nazi integration', not gentle, not welcoming and understanding of people, not warm. Anyway, we need each other, and her approach even if gentle wouldn't have been right.

I think I have read parts of 'The Minds of Billy Milligan". My system is co-conscious and the only time it wasn't was during a severe breakdown. I don't know what type of clients she had worked with previously and how well her approach worked. I was mainly disappointed and discouraged because she WAS willing to work with my financial limitations, and my choice of therapists is limited by this issue.