[identity profile] itsa-wallaby.livejournal.com
I've been wondering lately whether these other people in my head are actual people or if they're just me being dissociative, and how to figure it out. My therapist refuses to entertain the possibility that they're actual people, so no help there. Can anyone think of some way to find out..? Or is this one of those "only you can tell" sorts of things?


EDIT: Look, the therapist comment was just to say that I'm not getting any help from him. He does NOT affect the fact that I don't know whether I'm just dissociating or if they're real people, and this question would have probably been asked with or without him. I have a lot of issues to deal with, and I am not seeing him for multiplicity, it only comes up because I told him about it once and he asks about it if we run out of other things to talk about. He's even told me that it's okay if I don't believe him. His stance is that they are dissociation, not people, and that there is a reason why they are there, and that I need to ask them until they give me an answer other than "well, why are *you* here?" I disagree with him about the question, but I do not know what to think about whether they're dissociation-induced or real people. Some days I believe they're real, some days not. Today, for example, I do believe they are real and separate people and that I'm not even the first one who was here. Two days ago, I believed we were all the same person and that I was dissociating sometimes, and sometimes "I" even thought that while talking to others or while being someone else.

I appreciate all your comments, I really do, just please leave my therapist out of it, because he has very little to do with this question.
[identity profile] redrainstorm.livejournal.com
I went into therapy very vague today, telling her "there's so much about me that you don't know about, and it's so important to understand who I am, but I don't know how to talk about it". I got so nervous I went into a panic attack pretty much. She put on soft music, and let me sit in a comfy chair to relax and do some deep breathing. I finally just broke down. So, I told my new counselor today that I'm multiple and there are close to 50 members that are near the front... with only about 5 being regularly switching out right now. She took it well... She had a friend that was multiple with 3 or 4 personalities... She's also very against integration unless the client sees it as somehow beneficial...
I just worry because I feel like... she sees them as just other parts of me... just pieces of personality... I emphasized many times how we're separate people and not just a split off of me (the one with the name on the birth certificate). How can I make this absolutely clear to her so that we're not going in 15 sessions later with her believing that those I am with are simply just me providing a "role" or an emotion?
[identity profile] wingedwolf-2004.livejournal.com
Hello everyone, my brother Toby has posted here before but I haven't. My name is Hayden, I am 15, I have silvery-grey coloured hair and my left eye is light blue, my right is dark blue and I have my hair neck-length, parted over my left eye.

Sam, Toby and I were thiking of some questions to see if we are similar to anyone in terms of our lifestyle.

* Where does everyone go when you are not fronting? We seem to just have a big, black space. However, we can add items and whatever we like at will, seemingly even people after a while.

* What do you guys in a female body do about sexual needs (if you have any) and vice-versa? In here, Alexander gets very depressed as he wants to go out and do stuff with gay males but i) we're in a female body, ii)He wouldn't be treated like a man, iii) Sam wouldn't let him anyways because of the risk.

* Can other people in a different system 'see;' or 'sense' you better than the host of the different system. Sams girlfriend has different personnas, and one of them, Andrew, seems to be good at seeing the others in here, mentally, although sometimes a trick of the light makes our physical features change, such as Alex's eyes going slit.

* Do you have problems with people treating you all as one being, or do you not mind that? We have no real choice as Sam prefers to keep this to herself, and those who would understand.

* Can two (or more)of your members surface at the same time and converse with each other? Or can whoevers fronting have an active conversation with whoever is 'behind'? Do you get people 'behind' you?

Thats all for now :) Sorry about the extensiveness of these questions.. Thankyou,

[identity profile] calliopeaurora.livejournal.com
Hi Everyone
I've been lurking in the background for a couple of weeks just testing the waters.
My therapist has diagnosed me as DID and has had conversations with someone in me. I'm struggling to accept it. Parts of me are embracing it. I don't really remember the whole session very well apart from being there. I see "pictures" of people that are inside of me but i can't ever focus on them. Does anyone else have that?
Many occasions i seem to "switch" and it is noticeable and i know in myself that i have done it. I thought everyone was like this but i know different.
Anyway, i lose memories and forget things often but when i concentrate hard enough (and get a headache) the memory or thing i was trying to remember just hits. Does that happen to anyone else?
I've gotten a headache just writing this and visiting. I get them when i lurk and just look stuff up on MPD/DID.
Thanks if you can help.

Calliope :)
[identity profile] zenboiuke.livejournal.com
A person once magnanimously stated that were I to prove that the other members in house had knowledge that I did not, then perhaps he would be so inclined to believe we were plural, and that I wasn't just disassociating or imagining things.

*rolls his eyes*

I think Jack put it best when he said something to the effect of "Sure, and then I'll clap for his existence" (Referencing Peter Pan and the whole "Clap if you believe in fairies" bit LOL)

We don't need anyone's acceptance or validation in order to exist, and many times, we are supportive and capable in matters where 'real (ie 3D)'<--- note the quotes ;) people fall by the wayside.

BUT, for narrowminded & judgmental individuals who need proof in order for their tiny, anal worlds to seem more safe and comfortable, I have now experienced relief from not one but two medical treatments offered by K, our eldest member, who happens to be a shaman & my mentor (and possibly more, the best I can explain it is a future aspect of myself... but he's the OLDEST, so...??? Maybe I am the current life aspect that forgot its ancient origins? I find it all terribly confusing @_@;;; Maybe I should take a quantum physics class LOL)

Anyway, K brought us successful results where traditional medicine has failed, so doubting Thomases can take THAT and shove it up their tight little bums :p

[identity profile] pengke.livejournal.com
Alter. It looks so innocent that most of you just think of it as terminology. That’s what you call insiders…alters, parts, fragments, pieces.

You never call them people. They’re not people to you. They’re subhuman fragments that get in your way. They hold your emotions and hold your memories so you can go on being you. They’re the pieces that the real person threw away. They’re the fantasies of a child that tried to section him/herself off from the horrible trauma around them. They’re the entities who will spend their whole life in the shadow of the host. They’re the entities that fulfill a purpose or a job or a role because otherwise they’re not allowed to exist. They’re never people….just alters. What else could they be?

If you called them people, you’d have to acknowledge they were the same as you. You wouldn’t be able to insist that it’s your body and your life. You wouldn’t be able to push them off and insist to speak with your real significant other. You wouldn’t be able to say they’re just pieces to be put back together in a nice pat ‘cure.’ You wouldn’t be able to deny them their right to use their body.

We don’t have any alters nor do we know any. We just know people. Some of the people were created for a purpose. Some of the people were born in response to abuse. Some of the people were the first person in their body. Some of the people are the only person in their body. Some of the people put a lot of energy into their job and get a large part of their identity from their job. Some of the people have a lot of issues that they need to deal with. Some of the people don’t. They’re all people. They’re all equals.

Think about what you’re saying next time you call someone an alter. You’re saying they’re less than you. Think about what you’re saying when you call someone a host. Even if you just mean that they’re the person dealing with the outside the most, it still immediately labels everyone else as an alter. It still holds the connotations of dictator, the real person, of being more important than the rest.

We’re all people. We’re just as valid as the next person. It doesn’t matter if you’re a single, the person in a system that never comes out, or the person in a system that’s always out. We’re just people.
[identity profile] riagoose.livejournal.com
I'm here because I've lived my life knowing something was different about me. I don't know if it's multiple personalities, but I'll tell you about it because I hope someone will understand.

I have definite voices in my head that say things to me that I must listen to. Things about how I look or who I am or should be. Sometimes luring me into punishing myself for the things I do or think or say. The voices aren't always speaking but I know they are there.

I remember very little of what happened in the past. I remember definite bits and pieces and sometimes large pieces of time, but people will ask me what I thought of a movie I guess I'd seen or something I'd done and I just don't remember doing any of it at all.

Most of the memories I do have are of me watching myself do things and that's the weirdest thing to explain. Like I'm above everything watching from above and not really there.

I get this welling feeling like something really terrible is going to happen and then something will emerge like screaching wailing tearful childlike crying. It isn't me and it isn't who I would choose to be or how I necessarily feel, but I'm being stomped out by this other part of me that is weasling it's way out--I'll be helpless and limp and cling to my husband and then I won't remember anything until I wake up the next day or so and everything is 'normal' again. Sometimes I'll rage around when I am feeling quite content and happy and have no way to stop myself...

I do things that I'm not aware of at all--like all of a sudden I am looking at a screen/paper full of beautiful sorrowful poetry and writing that isn't mine and doesn't come from me and I don't know how it got there and my husband says I was writing it...it was me, but not...I struggle to write anything and stop to erase and scribble out words and it takes me hours to write one poem when I myself try to write.

ok maybe I'm saying to much and maybe I'm going to be deemed a weirdo or something for admitting this, I don't know what it is...But I need to get on with life and I can't ignore these things any longer.
[identity profile] prettyrazor.livejournal.com
My abnormal psychology teacher, Professor Kramer, has earned my eternal adoration, and he has no idea. We were talking about Dissociative Disorders in class yesterday. I have taken three psychology classes so far, and there's a pattern with Dissociative Disorders. The first class, Psych 101, had Professor Beers, who was awesome and said, "I've never seen what I believed to be a real case of DID, so I'm skeptical." The second, Psych 200, has Professor Fantl, who insisted that DID is not real. (Why? Because there's no chemical cause.) He says that the "repressed memories" are actually implanted by therapists, and that DID is also caused by a therapist saying that the patient has it. (Explain to me, then, Professor, how one of my insiders told my therapist about it, and not the other way around.) I'm still in that class, and it is highly annoying to know that he doesn't believe in it. (He, of course, has no idea that I have it.) And, of course, there was Brielle, the CSL teacher I made the mistake of confiding in, who insisted that I just thought I had DID. Grrr.

Abnormal Psych class was the third time Dissociative Disorders have been gone over in class. When Professor Kramer got to DID, he did not deny it existed. He did not say that therapists implanted it into the patient's head. He said there is controversy about it, but he went on to explain that this is because no two cases of DID are exactly alike, and it bothers the psychiatrists that some people are coconscious and others are not, etc. He also said that integration was rare, and did not have to be the end result, which surprised me, because all you ever hear about in the psychiatric literature is that integration is the end goal. He did not treat the discussion like it was a waste of time, or foolish, or that it didn't exist. For the first time ever, I have met a professor who believes in DID. I was so happy that I left the room practically dancing on a cloud, I swear. What sucked was that I had no one to share it with, as none of them would have understood how wonderful it feels.

There was a girl in the class who has a friend that was diagnosed with DID last week. She discussed him, saying that one day chocolate ice cream was his favorite thing in the world, and the next he would, seriously, say, "Have you ever seen me eat chocolate ice cream?!" Professor Kramer took this example, discussing how each personality differs. He did not laugh at it or make it sound like less than it was. He talked about how hard it was, not only for the people around a person with DID, but for the person him or herself. He understood.

Professor Kramer has no idea that he just made this entire horrible semester worthwhile for me.
[identity profile] ruth-sedina.livejournal.com
ive never posted here before. i dont know if i have MPD or any other related 'disorder' or not. i do not have a diagnosis as it was felt unhelpfull by my clinic. i've been out of hospital a year now. but i and some of my friends have thought for a while that i may have some form of personality disorder. basicly i'm posting now cos i feel like shit. i feel so torn and confused. i try so hard but i dont know what ive said or done half the time. my 'mood' changes so readily.
i've just spent over a year trying my best to get this whole mpd idea out of my head and have now become used to refering to us as 'i'. it was helpful for a while to try to get out of the frame of mind of mpd but now i dont know who i/we am/are. i used to know when i had switched now i just wander around in a dazed and confused state, vaguely aware of personality change. i can have a hazy recolection of others actions, but they feel the same as my *very* vivid dreams. i dont know what else to say right now, i just feel so fucked up. im hoping to find someone who knows whats going on, though i guess thats a long shot, since no one knows me. i've never had the chance to talk to people with similar mind sets. i just wanna know that someone understands and wish i could understand it better myself. because i dont know if these personalties are real or just some stupid creation of my own. i'm sure i'll be posting more soon, i was directed to this community some time ago but was a little scared to do anything.


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