[identity profile] hiddenhikari.livejournal.com
So, this is Kayla, the host, speaking right now. I just got out of my third hospitalization where a doctor told me that I 'don't follow specific characteristics of people with multiple personalities or with dissociative identity' and said that because I can communicate with my other personalities it means that its all just my imagination and that I made it up a long time ago and have pretending for so long that it's become real. He also said that because I've never been abused that there's pretty much no way I'm MPD/DID. He basically forced me to tell him that they were all just my imagination with the threat of going to a residential treatment facility. After lying through my teeth and saying that I made it all up, he put me on some serious medication because even though he thinks its just my imagination he wants to treat me for the voices anyway. So now I can't hear them at all. None of them. Even the good ones that help me. And none of them can front or anything. I can't see them any more in my head either. Its like their whole world is just...gone. I don't know what to do with myself...
Has anyone else ever had a doctor tell them this? Or ever had this happen to them?

UPDATE: I'm gonna go ahead and answer a few of the questions and things that have been brought up and offered to me real quick.
1. Thank you all so much for you help and support! It's nice to know that at least SOMEONE doesn't think I'm a liar...
2. I do not have to see that doctor ever again. He was just the doctor for the hospital I was in at the time and not my real doctor. But he is the second doctor that's told me that same story and my real doctor barely gives me the time of day...
3. I don't need to wean myself off the drugs because the doctor is weaning me off them. After I 'admitted' that I had 'lied' he said he would slowly take me off the Risperdole or something like that, I can't spell all these crazy drug names so I just sounded that out haha
4. One specific personality, Sophie, does self-harm and is the whole reason I got sent to that hospital in the first place. TRIGGER WARNING She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom and got mobile crisis called. I've seen crisis pretty much once a week for a couple months now and none of them believe me either. Anyway, while I was at the hospital but before my doctor threatened me, I politely called Sophie out on her self-harm/suicide attempts, Shell on her bingeing/purging, Samuel on his... psychotic behaviors, and Alex on her just plain bitchyness. The whole system was upset we had to go back to the hospital and the four trouble makers finally agreed not to get in the way of living my life. When I tried to tell my doctor that they had agreed not to hurt me anymore he looked me blankly in the face and said "I do not believe a word that comes out of your mouth." I was crushed. I bawled my eyes out because I just got the difficult ones to finally cooperate and now I was being told that it didn't even matter. So I'm hoping that once the doctor takes me completely off the medication they'll slowly come back. Even after one day without the medicine (because my parents haven't picked up my refill yet) I already got a little bit of communication with two of them again. Lizzy said that they didn't leave me, the medicine just made them all very tired.

I'll update again once my doctor gets me completely off the new medicine and let everyone know if our system goes back to normal. It's been really helpful to hear that so many other people know what I'm going through!

Also, it's a little strange that the doctor there knew so little about MPD/DiD considering there was a girl in the hospital with me who was actually diagnosed DiD, but she had a completely opposite kind of system than mine. She only new three or four of their names, she didn't hear them talk to her, and when she would switch no one could even tell. It seemed like she didn't switch one time all week, whereas I was switching a bunch of times a day.

So I saw my therapist yesterday (a good one, that actually believes me and stuff) and after I told him everything that happened he was like "That douchebag..." and was super apologetic about what happened to me there. Then we started talking about why everyone left the headspace. The doctor at the hospital said it was because "I finally told the truth" but I thought it was the medication. My therapist thinks everyone was just scared I was going to make them all leave and we both agreed that we wouldn't try to get rid of them, and we would focus on making sure that if I need to, I can take back control if one of them goes back on what they promised. And we agreed not to talk to my parents about any of this because my dad is super against the thought of me being a multiple, he's against me being different in any way at all...oh well though, as long as I know my therapist believes me and we're on the same page with where we want to go with this, I can see a silver lining after all! He said he might want to keep me on the medicine after all because apparently its just for stabilizing my mood, not getting rid of the voices, which just promotes his thought that the others were just scared. I've been trying to reopen communication with them, telling them that they are real and not to believe what that mean doctor said and stuff and telling them that our therapist believes in them. I've started hearing about five of them again. So far I've gotten back Jack, Lizzy, Shell, Alex, and Logan. Maybe in time the others will return too.
Thanks to everyone that's been commenting on my story and being so helpful about help getting off the medicine (which I don't need to do anymore thankfully!) and just giving me a kind word and believing me! It's really been helpful, but after that session yesterday I think things are really going to work out after all :) 
[identity profile] itsa-wallaby.livejournal.com
I've been wondering lately whether these other people in my head are actual people or if they're just me being dissociative, and how to figure it out. My therapist refuses to entertain the possibility that they're actual people, so no help there. Can anyone think of some way to find out..? Or is this one of those "only you can tell" sorts of things?


EDIT: Look, the therapist comment was just to say that I'm not getting any help from him. He does NOT affect the fact that I don't know whether I'm just dissociating or if they're real people, and this question would have probably been asked with or without him. I have a lot of issues to deal with, and I am not seeing him for multiplicity, it only comes up because I told him about it once and he asks about it if we run out of other things to talk about. He's even told me that it's okay if I don't believe him. His stance is that they are dissociation, not people, and that there is a reason why they are there, and that I need to ask them until they give me an answer other than "well, why are *you* here?" I disagree with him about the question, but I do not know what to think about whether they're dissociation-induced or real people. Some days I believe they're real, some days not. Today, for example, I do believe they are real and separate people and that I'm not even the first one who was here. Two days ago, I believed we were all the same person and that I was dissociating sometimes, and sometimes "I" even thought that while talking to others or while being someone else.

I appreciate all your comments, I really do, just please leave my therapist out of it, because he has very little to do with this question.
[identity profile] silence1986.livejournal.com
Hi all,
I'm new to this community. I'm Astrid, aged 19 and have had people in my mind since I was about 11 I think. though I fantasized about being "someone else" and all that long before. I used to think that I was sort of mid-continuum, in that I have people in my mind on whose perspectives I will act (which I can't influence) but that I don''t lose time or important personal information, ie. I'll always remember that my name is Astrid and I'm 19, etc.

However, over the past couple of months I've realized more and more that my insiders are an identity issue rather than anything personality-related, ie. I'm not at all multiple but just can't see that all these people are actually one and the same. (Of course, the psychiatric model also says that it's an identity disorder, but the way therapists treat DID is usually as if it were a personality thing, ie. the insiders/alters truly being separate. I btw don't have DID.) This got me to think about my insiders from a cognitive-behavioural viewpoint, thinking that in many ways it's something about rationally seeing that I can "integrate" the insiders instead of looking at it from a more traditional, psychodynamic viewpoint.

This is at once helpful to me, ie. if it's cognitive-behavioural and I rationally know this, I should be able to throw away the system right away, but at once it's confusing, since if I know I created the others because I couldn't see that this is all one person, why can't I just shut down the system, now that I know this? Why can I say, rationally, that I'm one, but still feel that I'm nine? Am I analysing too much? People who don't know too much about my system say so, and it makes me feel as if I'm making it up. I don't have DID, cause I know that my "multiplicity" is not dissociation, but it's not just my thoughts/feelings that have gotten names, and neither am I a natural multiple or someone claiming she likes being multiple (I would love to be "fully" singlet). Or am I just an adolescent who's confused about who she is and is taking this a little too far? This is at least partly true, but does that mean I'm overreacting? I'm sort of confused and any comments would be appreciated.


Jul. 5th, 2005 09:06 pm
[identity profile] ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com
((i realized, i never really said who i am! i'm Jen, but much prefer to be known as Ryk. i even had a couple teachers calling me in that in my short stint in college. hah! my boyfriend is Bry, and i tend to talk about him a whole lot. :/ even when he's being a jerk. but since i bring him up alot, may as well mention him too. the two in me who talk the most are Su [though she's more a mediator, for when anyone else in me goes out of bounds, i think], and one who changes her name a lot... i can't remember all of the names, but the one she used most was Angel. as an in joke, cuz she liked to pretend she was my guardian angel, out to save me. right... there's more, but they don't really talk to me/interact with the outside world [that i'm aware of!], so i don't know a whole lot about them))

after reading through some off the comm, i realized how very different i seem to be from everyone else.

for the majority here, everyone is 'us' and 'we'...

for me, it's 'i/me/whatever' and 'them' (there's two very vocal ones... one WAY more than the other... and a couple that i'm not sure what they do... aside from not talk to ~me~)

i'm pretty sure i can't be the ONLY one who feels like just a tool to be used at times (though i'm pretty sure that's not really the case, just a feeling..) but it'd still be nice for some reafirmation. :)

also... has anyone else had someone just show up for a day, and then take off? my boyfriend has told me of two like this... one who didn't talk, but cried a ton, and curled up in a corner of my room... and one that was some guy who was sarcastic, but not in a mean way like the girl who switches her name as she pleases.

i saw the thing about them DYING, but i don't think that's the case here. though i could be wrong. i'm not new to being a multi, just new to the idea of talking to others about it, who can actually UNDERSTAND. ^_^; so i might seem confused in how i talk, or explain things, compared to anyone else. for that i'm sorry.

sidenote : about the dear boyfriend... i'm still not sure what to do with him. however, the girl who changes her name seems to be up to something, and it's kind of worrying me... :/ she can be like an older sister... either trying to protect me, or being a bitch, trying to take things from me ~_~;
[identity profile] forest-house.livejournal.com
hi everyone,

Just thought I'd say hi. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, and I'm not sure what to consider myself at this point. I've always been aware at some level of being a 'we' but I don't have a history of major trauma, and I don't fall under the category of MPD/DID. Am I a natural multiple perhaps? I have no idea. All I know is that there is more than one person in here and various people are in control of the body from time to time. I didn't know until recently that other people experience life the same way, so I'm interested in talking to others who are this way or similar.

It's late so I hope I'm making sense here!

Looking forward to meeting you all.
Forest House
[identity profile] ruth-sedina.livejournal.com
ive never posted here before. i dont know if i have MPD or any other related 'disorder' or not. i do not have a diagnosis as it was felt unhelpfull by my clinic. i've been out of hospital a year now. but i and some of my friends have thought for a while that i may have some form of personality disorder. basicly i'm posting now cos i feel like shit. i feel so torn and confused. i try so hard but i dont know what ive said or done half the time. my 'mood' changes so readily.
i've just spent over a year trying my best to get this whole mpd idea out of my head and have now become used to refering to us as 'i'. it was helpful for a while to try to get out of the frame of mind of mpd but now i dont know who i/we am/are. i used to know when i had switched now i just wander around in a dazed and confused state, vaguely aware of personality change. i can have a hazy recolection of others actions, but they feel the same as my *very* vivid dreams. i dont know what else to say right now, i just feel so fucked up. im hoping to find someone who knows whats going on, though i guess thats a long shot, since no one knows me. i've never had the chance to talk to people with similar mind sets. i just wanna know that someone understands and wish i could understand it better myself. because i dont know if these personalties are real or just some stupid creation of my own. i'm sure i'll be posting more soon, i was directed to this community some time ago but was a little scared to do anything.
[identity profile] tigerfae.livejournal.com
Hello, I'm tigerfae and I'm new here. I kind of stumbled here while looking for otherkin/shapeshifting-type journals. I started thinking, does my interest in those have anything to do with the fact that I am a multiple? Maybe I've split into faeries and tigers and things? I mean, my brain can really do anything it wants, right? Is anyone else interested in otherkin or animorphs or shapeshifting? Is anyone kinda obsessively interested in faeries or things? This is really scary for me and I don't know why. Anyway, sorry to barge in.


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