[identity profile] hiddenhikari.livejournal.com
So, this is Kayla, the host, speaking right now. I just got out of my third hospitalization where a doctor told me that I 'don't follow specific characteristics of people with multiple personalities or with dissociative identity' and said that because I can communicate with my other personalities it means that its all just my imagination and that I made it up a long time ago and have pretending for so long that it's become real. He also said that because I've never been abused that there's pretty much no way I'm MPD/DID. He basically forced me to tell him that they were all just my imagination with the threat of going to a residential treatment facility. After lying through my teeth and saying that I made it all up, he put me on some serious medication because even though he thinks its just my imagination he wants to treat me for the voices anyway. So now I can't hear them at all. None of them. Even the good ones that help me. And none of them can front or anything. I can't see them any more in my head either. Its like their whole world is just...gone. I don't know what to do with myself...
Has anyone else ever had a doctor tell them this? Or ever had this happen to them?

UPDATE: I'm gonna go ahead and answer a few of the questions and things that have been brought up and offered to me real quick.
1. Thank you all so much for you help and support! It's nice to know that at least SOMEONE doesn't think I'm a liar...
2. I do not have to see that doctor ever again. He was just the doctor for the hospital I was in at the time and not my real doctor. But he is the second doctor that's told me that same story and my real doctor barely gives me the time of day...
3. I don't need to wean myself off the drugs because the doctor is weaning me off them. After I 'admitted' that I had 'lied' he said he would slowly take me off the Risperdole or something like that, I can't spell all these crazy drug names so I just sounded that out haha
4. One specific personality, Sophie, does self-harm and is the whole reason I got sent to that hospital in the first place. TRIGGER WARNING She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom and got mobile crisis called. I've seen crisis pretty much once a week for a couple months now and none of them believe me either. Anyway, while I was at the hospital but before my doctor threatened me, I politely called Sophie out on her self-harm/suicide attempts, Shell on her bingeing/purging, Samuel on his... psychotic behaviors, and Alex on her just plain bitchyness. The whole system was upset we had to go back to the hospital and the four trouble makers finally agreed not to get in the way of living my life. When I tried to tell my doctor that they had agreed not to hurt me anymore he looked me blankly in the face and said "I do not believe a word that comes out of your mouth." I was crushed. I bawled my eyes out because I just got the difficult ones to finally cooperate and now I was being told that it didn't even matter. So I'm hoping that once the doctor takes me completely off the medication they'll slowly come back. Even after one day without the medicine (because my parents haven't picked up my refill yet) I already got a little bit of communication with two of them again. Lizzy said that they didn't leave me, the medicine just made them all very tired.

I'll update again once my doctor gets me completely off the new medicine and let everyone know if our system goes back to normal. It's been really helpful to hear that so many other people know what I'm going through!

Also, it's a little strange that the doctor there knew so little about MPD/DiD considering there was a girl in the hospital with me who was actually diagnosed DiD, but she had a completely opposite kind of system than mine. She only new three or four of their names, she didn't hear them talk to her, and when she would switch no one could even tell. It seemed like she didn't switch one time all week, whereas I was switching a bunch of times a day.

So I saw my therapist yesterday (a good one, that actually believes me and stuff) and after I told him everything that happened he was like "That douchebag..." and was super apologetic about what happened to me there. Then we started talking about why everyone left the headspace. The doctor at the hospital said it was because "I finally told the truth" but I thought it was the medication. My therapist thinks everyone was just scared I was going to make them all leave and we both agreed that we wouldn't try to get rid of them, and we would focus on making sure that if I need to, I can take back control if one of them goes back on what they promised. And we agreed not to talk to my parents about any of this because my dad is super against the thought of me being a multiple, he's against me being different in any way at all...oh well though, as long as I know my therapist believes me and we're on the same page with where we want to go with this, I can see a silver lining after all! He said he might want to keep me on the medicine after all because apparently its just for stabilizing my mood, not getting rid of the voices, which just promotes his thought that the others were just scared. I've been trying to reopen communication with them, telling them that they are real and not to believe what that mean doctor said and stuff and telling them that our therapist believes in them. I've started hearing about five of them again. So far I've gotten back Jack, Lizzy, Shell, Alex, and Logan. Maybe in time the others will return too.
Thanks to everyone that's been commenting on my story and being so helpful about help getting off the medicine (which I don't need to do anymore thankfully!) and just giving me a kind word and believing me! It's really been helpful, but after that session yesterday I think things are really going to work out after all :) 
[identity profile] itsa-wallaby.livejournal.com
I've been wondering lately whether these other people in my head are actual people or if they're just me being dissociative, and how to figure it out. My therapist refuses to entertain the possibility that they're actual people, so no help there. Can anyone think of some way to find out..? Or is this one of those "only you can tell" sorts of things?


EDIT: Look, the therapist comment was just to say that I'm not getting any help from him. He does NOT affect the fact that I don't know whether I'm just dissociating or if they're real people, and this question would have probably been asked with or without him. I have a lot of issues to deal with, and I am not seeing him for multiplicity, it only comes up because I told him about it once and he asks about it if we run out of other things to talk about. He's even told me that it's okay if I don't believe him. His stance is that they are dissociation, not people, and that there is a reason why they are there, and that I need to ask them until they give me an answer other than "well, why are *you* here?" I disagree with him about the question, but I do not know what to think about whether they're dissociation-induced or real people. Some days I believe they're real, some days not. Today, for example, I do believe they are real and separate people and that I'm not even the first one who was here. Two days ago, I believed we were all the same person and that I was dissociating sometimes, and sometimes "I" even thought that while talking to others or while being someone else.

I appreciate all your comments, I really do, just please leave my therapist out of it, because he has very little to do with this question.
[identity profile] vintagegirlnh.livejournal.com
Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself. My name's Nicole and I'm a 24 year old senior at California state University Fullerton. I am double majoring in Psychology and Communicative Disorders. I am not a multiple but I am a mental health student so I just wanted to follow the rules. I'm really excited to have joined the group and I'm looking forward to conversing with everyone in the future. I work as a behaviorist for a California school district (no worries, I'm stim friendly and I detest old school ABA. My chief focus is dangerous behaviors; ie head banging and ways to supplement it with something less dangerous and I ONLY use positive reinforcement.) Thank you for reading this and I am just so incredibly excited to have found this group.
[identity profile] shatterlife.livejournal.com
Quick intro:

Hey, I'm multiple, and we've been a member of this community for awhile, but I can't remember if anyone of us have ever posted. So, *waves!* ^_^

Ok...I have a question and I don't know if anyone can answer it, but I'm so darn curious, and it's really eating at me. I've looked and looked and heard SO many different arguments, and none of them really seem to make sense, and I'm really tired of getting "Oh, aren't they the same thing??". Please, can anyone tell me, WHAT is the difference between multiplicity and schizophrenia?????



Mar. 3rd, 2007 12:49 pm
[identity profile] aww-my-bees.livejournal.com
I (Berni) am having alot of trouble at the moment, so went to see a counsellor at the university I'm studying in. After a long talk, he said that I should make an appointment with the doctor to see if I have Asperger syndrome, something I have suspected I have had for many years now. My dad and two of my siblings have it too.
I was just wondering if anybody else in the community has been diagnosed Asperger? I am curious.
Steve, Jay and Ed do not have it, but I suspect Nikki may have it, and a touch of ADHD.
[identity profile] linacrow.livejournal.com
Well, I got my psych profile back, or rather, my parents did. Now, read this and then tell me if I should be pissed.

He used the word pathetic at least 3 times.
The word silly well over 5 times.
The entire thing was condencending.
He said I was sexually disturbed because I made a sexual joke...which he liked. (wtf?)
He pretty much used everything I did to strengthen the view he got of me in the first minute.
I was cautious which obviously means I'm faking.
I couldn't explain it well so I was obviously faking. (I would've used this place and many others like it but I could tell he would've used that to say I was trying to be a part of a group >.<)
No all of my teachers and parents have this view of me.
Joy of joys.


Jan. 16th, 2007 12:26 pm
[identity profile] stealthdragon.livejournal.com
I was digging through my colleges' digital periodicals yesterday, and found this article from the '80s:

Brainwave Study of 'MPD' Patients )

If anyone is able to locate the journal article that prompted this report, I'd appreciate it if you'd send me a copy. (V_Lhhw(at)yahoo(dot)com)
[identity profile] freakshownia.livejournal.com
Today in my abnormal psych class we went over dissociative disorders with a focus on DID. My professor used to work as a clinical psychologist for 20-some years, and to support the idea that multiples are extremely rare he mentioned that he had never met one in his entire career.

So I'm wondering... should we prove him wrong? It was so tempting to just jump up in class and be like, "Not true! You know ONE multiple!" but of course I didn't. I was thinking of going about it in a more discreet way, perhaps asking him if he'd like to meet a multiple. Hmm.

Any suggestions?

Also in class we were going to watch the video "Mind of a Murderer" about a serial killer who tried to get off on insanity by saying he was a multiple. The tape didn't work so we didn't watch it, but it annoyed me that of all views of MPD/DID to see in a video it'd be THAT one. Of course this guy was proved to have been making it all up to get out of jail so he wasn't actually a multiple, but still. Discussing multiplicity in the context of murder doesn't lead to positive opinions =/ (Although my professor clearly understood that one has nothing to do with the other and the tape was to show how it could be faked, who knows what the other students picked up from that.)
[identity profile] rabbitsystem.livejournal.com
I was reading a book today (The Singular Self, Rom Harre) that tries to clarify the meaning of 'self'. Quite apart from my problems with his chain of reasoning, the author also says I'm not real, or else not human.

"Only those human beings who display a single, continuous Self 1 [singularity of point of view] as an aspect of whatever Self Three [the publicly presented self] they may from moment to moment be presenting are to be counted as psychologically normal, perhaps even as persons properly so called."

Excuse me? There's more than just me in this head, so I'm not a person? How did you figure that out?

He appears to regard systems that share memories as even less real that those who don't, on the grounds that to be an 'I' means to have a completely unique autobiography. Well, my autobiography IS unique. Because it's me that's telling it, and because I am not the same person as Ellen whatever he thinks on the matter.

Admittedly he's working from the usual psychiatric 'fragmented singleton with amnesia' model, but that still implies that people brought into being by trauma aren't people. I've shared a head with such people, I KNOW they can be people!

If this is how I'm likely to be regarded I'm never coming out at all.
[identity profile] underlankers.livejournal.com
Why are systems increasing in number? Assuming you don't count the Gerasene Demoniac, there are reports of systems with over 200 to 5000 members. We ourselves are one, and we are curious as to why these increases are occuring, and a good old-fashioned what-if. If Sybil had never been written, and Billy Milligan had still come along, what would have happened for the pictures of Multiples? Might we intsead of  3v1l p$ych0t1c hysterics have been plagued with a deluge of males who are uber-violent? Is there a connection between the gay community and the multiple community?
[identity profile] tinsoldier.livejournal.com
I've been a part of this communtity for about a year now, and for the most part I'm usually rather quiet, but for a moment I'm going to speak up about a couple of things I've noticed in the past and recently.

I'd like to make a couple of disclaimers so that each you has an idea of where I'm coming from.

I'm currently studying to get a PhD in clinical psychology, so I think that some of you view me--and those from my discipline--as the enemy. However, I'd also mention that I'm also the survivor of sexual trauma deep in my childhood, which I should point out that most people drawn to this field have experienced something in their past that gives them reason to find their interest.

It's that moniker of "enemy," that I wast to try to address. The things I'm putting in quotes aren't necessarily direct quotations and will more than likely be paraphrasings of comments I've seen.

I may get a bit long-winded )

I apologize for being so long-winded, but this subject is something I feel very passionate about. I'm working towards my degrees not because I've a desire to make a lot of money; I'm working as hard as I am in order to help others. I look upon my personal path as that of a caregiver, with little regard for how much money I can make doing it. ...and from what I've seen, the vast majority of psychologists have much the same driving force behind them. Most have spent a lot of money getting to where they are, deal with the stress of their jobs constantly, but wouldn't trade what they're doing for anything.

As I've said to others in my personal journal, I constantly fight the monster in my basement. Most of the time I win, other times I don't fare so well, but on a philosophic and metaphoric level if I can take others who are losing more than winning and help them learn how defeat the monsters in their basements, then I'll be a happy human being at the end of my life.
[identity profile] stealthdragon.livejournal.com
It's not that we don't get lonely, but we seem to have a much lower need for interaction than most people. I was wondering if that's generally true among multiples - that having your brainmates around to talk to reduces your need to interact with other people. (And if you're aware of a distinction between when you want to interact with someone else, and when you need to do so, please include that as well.)

Also, for those of you who spend most of your time in an 'inner' world, are you as socially active there as you are on Earth?

So, basically, does multiplicity encourage introversion?

- Kathru
[identity profile] vinik.livejournal.com
Despite the fact that we've been referred to a new, and most likely appropriate social worker when it comes to getting ready for the baby, we're still hearing disturbing things from our OT about her conversation with the psychiatric social worker that has been causing us so much grief. We need to vent a little about it before we go off for the weekend so we can relax easier. (Background: we were referred to this woman for our anxiety disorder - aggravated by environmental and prenatal stress - and once she found out we were Multiple she went ballistic, acting as if we were a ticking time bomb despite the fact that we are fully co-conscious and co-operative. She has been highly inappropriate, irresponsible, and prejudicial with our case) It is possible we may be filing a complaint against her next year after we've settled down with the baby.

Anyway, when our OT spoke to her, she heard the same kind of ignorant crap we got. And when my OT, who's been working with many multiples over her 25 year span with her organization, answered the worker's question on what she thought about us not having integration as a goal (citing it was the only conventional treatment, something we all know is false because there are TWO 'conventional' treatments recognized by therapists: integration or co-operation), she sat there and questioned my OT's credentials and her organization's.

Baaaaaaad form. The organization that my OT works for is highly reputable and respected. They help tons of people with disabilities of all kinds in this city every day. My OT has also been with the organization practically since it opened. And, comparatively, I am the first Multiple this social worker HAS EVER MET, while my OT has dealt with a variety of Plurals over the years. Anyway, the worker was really annoyed with the fact that our OT had such a high opinion of our functionality (the only thing our OT said might be problematic for some is that we often say 'we' instead of 'I', but she got used to it 'lol')She also quoted sources that my OT recognized as being from 70's literature on MPD/DID. When she asked her if she had any more recent information, the worker said: "That IS recent." 'cough, cough, BULLSHIT, cough, cough...'

So, yeah, our OT is totally with us on this complaint. And I know of at least a few other professionals that have helped us who would probably also like to know how a woman who's never even met a diagnosed Plural before, read maybe 2 books on the subject about 30 years out of date(by her own admittance to us previously), is unwilling to update her sources or contact any therapists we've previously worked with (my OT was asked to call her on another matter), and has gone ahead with decisions without even waiting for results from recent assessments to show up, can think that she is behaving appropriately?

I think we definitely have a solid case here. Just sucks that this woman is making people in her profession look bad. We've worked with a lot of social workers with lots of experience in a psychiatric background over the years and it went very well. This woman, who has apparently been doing this for decades, seems to know jack shit about how to help people with pre-existing conditions. And I don't just mean Multiple. Name it, and I'll bet she doesn't have any idea who to refer you to in the area despite the fact she's been working at that hospital for over 2 decades. This is a travesty, and someone's got to point out to her higher-ups that they are being represented by a quack.

But, of course, for our family's safety that won't be until next year. 'sigh'

[identity profile] jadedmosaic.livejournal.com
Hi All,

Its Shelby,

This much I know Tiea has been practically comotose . We went to OUR session but Tiea did not show .

We questioned T and were sent home from work with threat of being sent on to new T with complete records discharged to new Supervising Counsler and possibility of losing oppurtunity to do Emergency Intake ( which is the part of the job we do best and are paid most and Health benifit package is in but be demoted to Intake) . This guy is turning on us and definatly defensive .

We have always been able to talk Toni started which is never good and mentioned we did a internal assesment and there is NO tracer holding out or ISH but Toni felt if there was a ISH she could be it .

We agreed Tiea should remember in her own time cause we were not into merging memories and emotions , they should be her own , and she is Not even waking up she ,is exhasted but we've all been physcally ill with a Lupua Flare up she is the weakest physically . We tend to what the T cals revolve when ill we call it getting stuck .

Toni just out of her mouth comes "Well we feel we need a break from sessions " So of course , T says "I realize were getting close to a deep breakthrough and your all running scarred but hiding is not the answer . " "You were all craeted to help Tiea live and you may be feeling Threatened , but you will all still be with Tiea Maria just in a new way a better whole more full way a brighter world will open for you ."

We all sat there talikng inside arguing and out of nowhere Joe goes "Your keeping the girls sick, thinking about the past. Were comming in to speak of only job related stuff cause were not sick " Like he said it mean and invaded T personal space and was pointing at his chest . So we were told to punch out early and come back when we had a better attitude. We've never been so humiliated and Tiea is just sleeping away ( totally hiding ). We had a home visit to do so it was no big big deal. But the T is talking to us like we are not people again . Or small children who do not understand what he is saying . Then " wheres my hug before you leave " " Remember we dont leave mad at one another"to me and Toni Jade patted his back with a quick hug and we left as he smiled Geeez whiz.

Its so cold we could use some coaco with mini marshmellows, I want to drink it and jump in bed for a group hug and shake Tiea awake. We knew he would not take it well but Joe made it worse that was not the way we planned to handle any of this .

So of course Marty and Joe surprised us co fronters with a bouquet of wildflowers from the Market ... we can never stay mad at them . I swear I am willing to say "Oh yes I am the almighty "tracer " if Markey does not beat me to it just to have peace Feeling like sellouts Peace & Blessings,
, Shelby
Oh my gosh the sky was beautiful today a complete line between white and pure blue a line , looked like we were driving into the ocean . We imagine it looks that way on the West coast , at least it was a pretty drive home . PS my mood ring just went from bright blue to grey/green , does anyone remember what the colors mean?
[identity profile] eridanusus.livejournal.com
We went to laser strike tonight (one of our major social activities, we go at least once a week, but for most people it's like.. a work outing sort of thing, not a sport you play regularly) and, like, everyone knew we'd been in hospital. Even the refs. The refs are pretty cool though, we go drinking with them and they come to our practices. One of them gave me a piece of paper as we were leaving with his phone numbers on in case I wanted to talk sometime.

Anyway we've been having to do all this followup, talking to stupid idiot doctors and stuff. Apparently "all alters have the same shoe size" and if anyone can tell me what that actually MEANS I'd love it. I have a new retort for that though - I was watching Babylon 5 with a girl off our friends list and in one episode Londo is saying "My shoes are too tight, and I've forgotten how to dance."

So, "all alters have the same shoe size" is now going to be met with "My shoes are too tight."

But yeah, they are idiot doctors. They all think we're not real. I want to make a Bingo card to bring to the next appointment (on Thursday) so we can cross off the things people normally say. Discreetly, so they get really confused when I suddenly pipe up, "Bingo!"

Decimy said we're quite welcome to switch obviously during the appointments too.
[identity profile] spookshow-girl.livejournal.com
Has anyone seen the documentary Being Pamela? It was apparently released in June. The information isn't encouraging. Neither is this article which is supposed to be about the courts decision to let her air the documentary. The local authority responsible for her care claimed she did not have the capacity to give permission to be filmed. Despite my concerns about the documentary, I'm happy with the judge's decision. That's a bad precident, for England, where this happened, and in general, as people might get bright ideas if the local authority won the case.

[identity profile] truevessel.livejournal.com
Someone speaking at a conference we attended, claimed he was the one who invented the
term Did, and convinced the psychiatric community to change the DSM from MPD to Did.
He insisted that all Did was trauma-based;
the topic of the conference was trauma.
He then said, in response to a question whether those who claimed to have so many alters, like a hundred or more, could be
authentic, that, "You just need to listen to five of them, to come up with
a treatment plan."

So all the way home, we had this arguement as to which five of us would be chosen to be heard,
to the exclusion of all others.

We found this absurd, both then and now.

And years earlier, there was the pompous psychologist who badgered us in group that we were
getting a lot of attention, mileage and enjoyment out of being multiple.
We wanted to point out that no way were we getting any enjoyment out of being multiple in
a hospital setting, for sure. His tone was
condescending and abusive, but when in the hospital, the staff has all the power, and we were
disrespected and misunderstood.

Not so, in the case of our therapist outside the hospital, who never viewed us with anything other than
dignity. I heard her say many times, when teaching social work students,

"Being a therapist doesn't place you above the clients.
It's not an us-and-them relationship."

We wish there were more like her.


Jul. 26th, 2005 08:50 pm
[identity profile] stealthdragon.livejournal.com
It's been suggested that multiplicity might be more common in people with/whose body has Aspergers' syndrome or autism, and I'm rather curious how well that holds up.

Do you or anyone in your system have Aspergers' syndrome or autism? If so, is it a system-wide thing, or particular to a certain person or group?

We have Aspergers' syndrome, and it appears to affect everyone in our system to some extent. (None of us is all that good at understanding social situations or reading body language, for instance, and the lot of us have 'odd' interests.)

(Posted as a result of this entry.)
[identity profile] sethrenn.livejournal.com
Reading through the earlier thread about the 'drama community', I found this from [livejournal.com profile] eridanusus, which got me thinking.

"They keep saying people can't talk to each other and stuff obviously they never even read Sybil or When Rabbit Howls or anything! Because they talk to each other in those. And don't they think if someone WAS gonna go "ooh I'm going to fake having multiple personalities" they'd actually do some research so they DIDN'T get it all wrong?"

Maybe I'm giving the wannabe 'experts' too much credit by assuming they've done any reading at all, rather than simply going on hearsay, but it's a good question. Where did the idea come from? 'Mutual unawareness of others' existence' is not and has never been in the diagnostic criteria for either MPD or DID. Even in some of the early 'dual personality' cases described (Mary Reynolds, and Gmelin's patient whose other self spoke fluent French), at least one person was aware of the other's existence, even if the awareness wasn't mutual.

What many of the popular and sensationalistic accounts *do* describe is a 'presenting self' who was unaware of the others and experienced the periods when they were controlling the body as blackouts, while the 'others,' when they were in charge, were not only aware of each other's existence but had varying levels of communication between themselves. Books like "Sybil" and "The Minds of Billy Milligan" give *extremely* clear descriptions of internal communication taking place between selves (i.e. Vicki telling Peggy to "put the dish down" when she wanted to break it). Even if the usual frontrunner knew nothing, that's still a pretty far cry from 'nobody can talk to anyone else.'

In fact, for a while, one of the things some doctors were *specifically* told to ask patients when evaluating for an MPD or DID diagnosis, was whether they 'heard voices.' (Granted, this is an extremely flimsy criterion on which to base the diagnosis-- one has to distinguish between the internal 'voices' that many multiples experience and auditory hallucinations-- but I think I've already made pretty clear my distrust of most professional ideas about multiplicity.)

Virtually every popular account of multiplicity published during the 80s and 90s ends with, if not integration, the attainment of at least some sort of communication between everyone. There were some books published during this time by-- yes, therapists with degrees-- with titles like "Working with the Family Inside" and "Internal Family Systems Therapy," which emphasized communication and awareness as a viable alternative to integration for some multiples. So, even supposing that only a portion of these more sensationalized cases were real, the claim that "in real multiplicity the personalities don't know about each other" still doesn't hang together. I'd take this more seriously if anyone could quote a single source, but no one seems to be able to.

So, where did 'they can't talk to each other' come from? I'm actually curious.


Jun. 2nd, 2005 06:26 am
[identity profile] aliasalixx.livejournal.com
Someone posted this on another board I post on... why does it seem that almost every system has at least one member who is autistic?


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