[identity profile] hiddenhikari.livejournal.com
So, this is Kayla, the host, speaking right now. I just got out of my third hospitalization where a doctor told me that I 'don't follow specific characteristics of people with multiple personalities or with dissociative identity' and said that because I can communicate with my other personalities it means that its all just my imagination and that I made it up a long time ago and have pretending for so long that it's become real. He also said that because I've never been abused that there's pretty much no way I'm MPD/DID. He basically forced me to tell him that they were all just my imagination with the threat of going to a residential treatment facility. After lying through my teeth and saying that I made it all up, he put me on some serious medication because even though he thinks its just my imagination he wants to treat me for the voices anyway. So now I can't hear them at all. None of them. Even the good ones that help me. And none of them can front or anything. I can't see them any more in my head either. Its like their whole world is just...gone. I don't know what to do with myself...
Has anyone else ever had a doctor tell them this? Or ever had this happen to them?

UPDATE: I'm gonna go ahead and answer a few of the questions and things that have been brought up and offered to me real quick.
1. Thank you all so much for you help and support! It's nice to know that at least SOMEONE doesn't think I'm a liar...
2. I do not have to see that doctor ever again. He was just the doctor for the hospital I was in at the time and not my real doctor. But he is the second doctor that's told me that same story and my real doctor barely gives me the time of day...
3. I don't need to wean myself off the drugs because the doctor is weaning me off them. After I 'admitted' that I had 'lied' he said he would slowly take me off the Risperdole or something like that, I can't spell all these crazy drug names so I just sounded that out haha
4. One specific personality, Sophie, does self-harm and is the whole reason I got sent to that hospital in the first place. TRIGGER WARNING She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom and got mobile crisis called. I've seen crisis pretty much once a week for a couple months now and none of them believe me either. Anyway, while I was at the hospital but before my doctor threatened me, I politely called Sophie out on her self-harm/suicide attempts, Shell on her bingeing/purging, Samuel on his... psychotic behaviors, and Alex on her just plain bitchyness. The whole system was upset we had to go back to the hospital and the four trouble makers finally agreed not to get in the way of living my life. When I tried to tell my doctor that they had agreed not to hurt me anymore he looked me blankly in the face and said "I do not believe a word that comes out of your mouth." I was crushed. I bawled my eyes out because I just got the difficult ones to finally cooperate and now I was being told that it didn't even matter. So I'm hoping that once the doctor takes me completely off the medication they'll slowly come back. Even after one day without the medicine (because my parents haven't picked up my refill yet) I already got a little bit of communication with two of them again. Lizzy said that they didn't leave me, the medicine just made them all very tired.

I'll update again once my doctor gets me completely off the new medicine and let everyone know if our system goes back to normal. It's been really helpful to hear that so many other people know what I'm going through!

Also, it's a little strange that the doctor there knew so little about MPD/DiD considering there was a girl in the hospital with me who was actually diagnosed DiD, but she had a completely opposite kind of system than mine. She only new three or four of their names, she didn't hear them talk to her, and when she would switch no one could even tell. It seemed like she didn't switch one time all week, whereas I was switching a bunch of times a day.

Update:
So I saw my therapist yesterday (a good one, that actually believes me and stuff) and after I told him everything that happened he was like "That douchebag..." and was super apologetic about what happened to me there. Then we started talking about why everyone left the headspace. The doctor at the hospital said it was because "I finally told the truth" but I thought it was the medication. My therapist thinks everyone was just scared I was going to make them all leave and we both agreed that we wouldn't try to get rid of them, and we would focus on making sure that if I need to, I can take back control if one of them goes back on what they promised. And we agreed not to talk to my parents about any of this because my dad is super against the thought of me being a multiple, he's against me being different in any way at all...oh well though, as long as I know my therapist believes me and we're on the same page with where we want to go with this, I can see a silver lining after all! He said he might want to keep me on the medicine after all because apparently its just for stabilizing my mood, not getting rid of the voices, which just promotes his thought that the others were just scared. I've been trying to reopen communication with them, telling them that they are real and not to believe what that mean doctor said and stuff and telling them that our therapist believes in them. I've started hearing about five of them again. So far I've gotten back Jack, Lizzy, Shell, Alex, and Logan. Maybe in time the others will return too.
Thanks to everyone that's been commenting on my story and being so helpful about help getting off the medicine (which I don't need to do anymore thankfully!) and just giving me a kind word and believing me! It's really been helpful, but after that session yesterday I think things are really going to work out after all :) 

New here

Sep. 1st, 2007 04:25 am
[identity profile] j3nny3lf.livejournal.com
Hi, I just found this community through Astraea's web. I figured out a few years ago that I'm multiple, and I am sure that the origins of this are abuse based for me, and was really amazed to learn that not all multiples have had an abuse/trauma basis in their own lives. How interesting is that? Wow.

In further reading tonight, I found that I am not as unique as I had thought, that there's a name for what I/we experience. Age slider. Each of my many mes is just me, but at a different age. The youngest is six years old, the oldest is 39. I am currently 42. Most often out and about other than "me" is Jennifer, who is seventeen years old.

I guess I want to learn more. I want to discover what it's all about, how we live together. I'd decided a long time ago now that "integration" sounded just a little too much like voodoo to me, and my other selves had told my husband that it sounded like dying or death to them, they fear it terribly. They are me, killing them off is not an option. Taking care of them is what needs to be done. This is how I am thinking.

Anyways, that's me.
[identity profile] coma-white-01.livejournal.com
Hey there,

Before I introduce myself, let me just start off by saying I literally had NO hope left for anything before I found this community last night. Reading through everybody's posts and such...god, I almost cried at how relieved I felt. I've read so many "MPD/DID" text books and been to a therapist and blah blah blah...and with the text books I became even more confused, because I didn't seem to fit the "text book" model of being a multiple. I was never abused, me and "my guys" are all conscious of each other, etc. So I thought, "Well, what the hell? Am I lying to myself? Why aren't I like those other multiples?" and my therapist sure didn't help any. SO...yes. This community is probably the greatest thing I've ever stumbled upon. It may have just saved my life. Now, I beleive I owe you all an introduction =)

I guess I'll start with myself:
My name is Laura and I'm 17 (18 in July!!) I have absolutely no idea which personality traits I possess. I guess I know "my guys" better than I know myself. I guess I'd be considered the "Host"...but I don't think that fits my position very well.

My guys:

-Lance: Alright...Lance is a little different. He's actually Lance Bass. From Nsync. Lance came to me when I was in 5th grade (Since I was 10). He's always with me "up front". Always. It's always half him, half me. We stand side by side. And he kind of just lives his own life. He lives in Los Angeles, California, and has his own friends, seperate from my own. He doesn't know about the rest of of my guys, and I don't think he knows about me. He looks like the actualy Lance Bass, and he's interested in most of the things he is. He just turned 28 on May 4th, and what do you know! So did the actual Lance Bass. And oh yeah, he's gay =) He was the first one here...or well, the first one to make himself known, and he's always been my partner in crime, even if he doesn't know it =)

-Noah James: Noah...hmmm, he's a handful, that's for sure. He's 19 and shares my birthday. Although once he turns 20 (In July), I'm thinking he's probably just going to stay 20. He's usually very...angry. He lashes out at my friends on the internet a lot, because he's scared of people getting close to us. He's convinced that no one cares about us, and that everyone lies to us about everything. He's been here for about 2 1/2 years, I suppose. He doesn't talk (Just types on the computer). He rarely makes any facial expressions. He likes to make people uncomfortable when he stares at them. He'll get right up in people's faces and just...stare. He's also gay. He dyes his hair funny colors (My hair has been every color of the rainbow thanks to him). He has a penpal from Russia (We're all learning Russian together), and him and her have been talking for about a year and a half now. Suprisingly, he absolutely ADORES her. I left him in charge of talking to her. He was the second one here, and he's up front pretty regularly with me and Lance.

-London: London is very sweet. Very sweet. He just likes to see everyone happy and getting along. He talks in a very sweet voice and he's very gentle. He's very lean and pale. And...he has no sexual orientation that I know of. Isn't interested in boys and isn't interested in girls. But yeah, he's kind of the "father" figure. Tries to smooth things over when they go wrong.

Joel: Ah, the newest member =) I don't know too much about him right now. Real friendly, I know that. But he's only made himself know...well, maybe a little more than a week ago. I know he has dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, and he's very pale. He enjoys painting, which he proved last night. I think he's going to be fun to have around and I can't wait to see his personality progress over time =)

Sooo...that's them. I could write pages and pages of information (except for Joel), about all of them, but I figured this is long enough as it is =D

Me and my guys look forward to talking with you all and getting to know more about you! As my title says...Finally: A place where I belong.

No longer alone,
-Us

Toiling

Mar. 29th, 2007 01:28 am
[identity profile] cross-clan.livejournal.com
I hesitate posting to this community because "I" am part of a semifunctional trauma based system and feel a little out of place.  

Until we stumbled on this community a few months ago, We bought into the belief that we where broken in need of repair.  This viewpoint has always felt uncomfortable for most of us.

We've only had a small glinpse of healthy multipicity and "I" feel envious!!  In part "I" feel intimidated by the concept. And the thought that we may never achieve it tears me up. "I" desire  the communication and organization sooooo much.

I'm sorry for the lack of clarity, feeling a little emotional

- Trich
[identity profile] annabellelaw.livejournal.com

I’m going to put this up on my LJ so that people can learn a little bit more about me.

Erm, what would you like to know about me? Do you have any questions? Hi!


question

Jan. 3rd, 2007 01:00 am
[identity profile] tvoytoy.livejournal.com
hi,there.
i'm jane.
i have a question for nontrauma-based system-members.
so, how did you realized you are multiple? have you heared some voices one day or something else?
remember please you first "meeting".
and happy new year for everybody.
to tell you the truth -i feel the unspeakable tenderness while reading this community.it's like being your common mom=)

Saying Hi

Jan. 2nd, 2007 10:09 am
[identity profile] timothymcdonald.livejournal.com
Ok, I'm really nervous about doing this and if I do something wrong I'd be grateful if someone tells me.

I know I don't have to introduce myself, but thought it would be ok so you know about me up front as it were. Sorry if I bore you.

My name is Timothy (Please call me Tim). I'm 29, male, I have sandy blond hair and blue eyes. I'm slim and around 5'9" I live in Fort William in the West Highlands of Scotland, Uk. I have a partner of 10 years, David, (Yeah I'm gay.) and I love him to death!

I was 'diagnosed' with MPD when I was 15. I had 4 years of therapy and met David when I was 19. He was a volunteer counsellor at the time. 'Multiple ' is the wrong term for me, There is only me and Ray in here. Ray is everything I'm not. Tall, dark, confident, out-going, more like David. I know the general assumption is that 'multiplicty' comes about through some form of abuse or something. I want to be right up front and say that's not my case. My parents Lillian and James have been nothing but loving and supportive of my duality and life style. When I was 7 I was knocked off my bicycle and in a coma for 2 days. When I recovered I discovered I had a 'hitch-hiker' , Ray. He's here all the time but only fronts when I'm in stressful or difficult situations and David isn't around. (They get on well) I hope its ok that we are only a 'pair' as it were.

To cut it short I'd like to be friended by like minded people. I live in a very beautiful but lonely part of the world. I have a boring job in a bank and David works long hours, so I'm alone with Ray a lot. David and Ray (David found this site) both thought starting an LJ and meeting people like us would be good. My journal is brand new and I don't really know what to do with it. I have more about me there and I'd be so grateful if anyone with the same interests and situation would like to contact/friend me.

Thanks for listening.

Tim/Ray
[identity profile] free-agents.livejournal.com
The best thing to do is probably to introduce myself before I ask my question. My name is Rian, I belong to a system that exists in a 24 year old female named Andrea. Kevin and Drew are also parts of our 'system' but we've all come about here different ways.
My question )

kf

Mar. 23rd, 2006 05:29 pm
[identity profile] thea-.livejournal.com
So, who here doesn't consider themselves to have experienced the "classic" trama-model of multiple personalities? When did you first know? How did you first know? What are some of the biggest misunderstandings that people have about you?
[identity profile] thehumangame.livejournal.com
During recent internet wanderings, I found an interesting reference.

Ross, C. (1991). Epidemiology of Multiple Personality Disorder and Dissociation. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 14 (3), 503-­517.

In summary: Colin Ross did a study where he interviewed 454 residents of Winnipeg with the DDIS (Dissociative Disorders Interview Schedule), to find out about the prevalence of dissociative disorders in the general population. 14 of the 454 (3.1%) met the DSM-III-R* criteria for MPD. However, eight out of the fourteen (1.8% of the population) didn't report childhood trauma or extensive symptomatology...

Excerpt from the study... )

I'm not aware of any follow-up research on this subpopulation, and a quick search didn't turn up any. Further information would be greatly appreciated.

* A. The existence within the person of two or more distinct personalities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).

B. At least two of these personalities or personality states recurrently take full control of the person's behavior.

Note that these do not include amnesia; that criterion was added in the DSM-IV along with the name change to DID.
[identity profile] sethrenn.livejournal.com
I'm occasionally weirded out severely by finding links to things like Pavilion or Astraea's page, labeled as "a personal page about the experience of MPD/DID", or "resources for those with dissociative identity disorder," or things along those lines. Sometimes I think this is a result of just not reading the pages very closely, or seeing them come up in search engines as results for MPD or DID; or just going through and linking to every page that relates to the subject of multiplicity at all (though this seems to be done less often now than it once was).

The stranger ones, to me, are the people who seem obviously to have read the page, but still insist on referring to it as "a DID page" or whatever. We've never actually run into anyone calling our page that (although it may well be out there somewhere), though we've had some requests from people wanting to link our page from their MPD/DID site. Usually our policy has been to say no, because that isn't what our website is about, although we've reconsidered that a bit in view of the fact that someone finding our site through such a page might get more use out of it than out of MPD-type pages.

I was looking for something completely unrelated last night, and found someone actually quoting Astraea's webpage while calling it "a resource for people with mild to moderate dissociative identity disorder." Astraea's page was the first multiplicity page that was NOT about DID. It says nowhere in the site that it's aimed at "people with mild DID," and this person had obviously read far enough into it to be able to quote what they said about talking to one's story characters. To call it that seems to require a rather bizarre re-interpretation of what's actually there; I, for one, do not like having outsiders "translate" my words for me and tell all the normal people what I'm "really" talking about, or present it in a form which might be more palatable to them. I can only assume here that people who state that their multiplicity isn't a disorder are being assumed to have 'a mild form of the illness.' Because of course there's something wrong in and of itself with having more than one person in your body-- all the DID bits like lack of communication and operating systems are just details. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if something doesn't cause you distress or reduce your ability to function, doesn't that mean that by definition it is not a disorder?
This rant comes to mind: http://www.bentspoons.com/Shaytar/soapbox/badlinks.shtml

Although, I'm not sure how much good it'll do to just tell people not to call it an MPD/DID page, if they seem to believe that it's their prerogative to decide whether we're talking about a disorder or not, regardless of what we say about ourselves.
[identity profile] annabellelaw.livejournal.com
Hiya everyone.

My name is Annabelle. I don't really consider myself a multiple but I guess I am. Ash & I do have different personalities & outlooks on life, different likes & dislikes and things, so I guess we are. Erm... sorry. It's a bit difficult writing so I guess I'll get on with the questions. Not that it's difficult writing, or... poo. eright. I'll start again.

Hiya. I'm Annabelle. I share a body with Ash. He's male, I'm not. The body is male. I don't have any deep seated trauma that I know of & neither does he & it seems to only be the two of us in here. I don't have a system or anything, I'm not sure what one is. Sometimes he's in charge & sometimes I am. Girly things bring me to the surface, manly things him. Erm... Anything else?

Sometimes one of us is completely asleep and sometimes we are almost pearing over the other's shoulders & occasionally we both try to control the body at once. We mostly agree on things but sometimes argue or disagree.

I want to ask some questions so here goes:

* Only two - is that usual?
* If there was no trauma how did I come to be? I read something about dreams, and these forming conciousness?
* Could someone give me a brief definition of terms? I know front (I say "up") but what other terms are used commonly?

Anyway, thanks.
[identity profile] forest-house.livejournal.com
hi everyone,

Just thought I'd say hi. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, and I'm not sure what to consider myself at this point. I've always been aware at some level of being a 'we' but I don't have a history of major trauma, and I don't fall under the category of MPD/DID. Am I a natural multiple perhaps? I have no idea. All I know is that there is more than one person in here and various people are in control of the body from time to time. I didn't know until recently that other people experience life the same way, so I'm interested in talking to others who are this way or similar.

It's late so I hope I'm making sense here!

Looking forward to meeting you all.
Forest House
[identity profile] firewheelvortex.livejournal.com
Pat Stubbs of MAH has chosen to piss me off. Not only am I, as an empowered multi, not REALLY multi, I'm also making up my Aspergers.

I'm not sure what the bug up Pat's ass is, but it seems to boil down to the fact that we unapologetic multiples aren't suffering enough, due to a lack of appropriate therapy. She outlines this in her preciously named blog, "pulses of plurality."
Read More... )
[identity profile] amazon-vampyre.livejournal.com
Hi again *waves*

Some of the questions I have are as follows:

Can a person be a multiple and not know it?

How do you know if you're a multiple?

Do multiples stem from people who have suffered from some sort of trauma?

I'll save the rest for later. I don't want to bombard you folks with too many questions.

Thanks for your time...
[identity profile] shadow-s.livejournal.com
I'm tentative to post. I was once, a long time ago a member of the dark personalities mailing list. Aw, I remember the days. It feels like a different world though. I had a website too... strange how I almost don't remember. We called ourselves "Shadows Troops" and DP was a beautiful thing.

I have to introduce myself much differently than I did 5 or so years ago.
First of all, I am only one now. Whether I was then or wasn't then seems like it will remain a mystery forever. I take meds now that strangely block out the "voices". It's bizarre how I ended up viewing them. Sometimes I feel guilty and I worry. Perhaps I've merely succumb to societies standards. Maybe I've forgotten what we were.
Anyway, I'm afraid I may go on for awhile, but please do read... maybe. This will be the first time I've really spoken about this in years and years.

Read more... )

MPD

Nov. 25th, 2004 05:38 pm
[identity profile] bizamoogie.livejournal.com

XPosted to [livejournal.com profile] bizamoogie

A majority of people I have met don't believe I have multiple personality disorder. They say that I am faking it. They say that sooner or later, I will get tired of living the lie.

It's been 11 years. Yes, contrary to popular belief, I was multiple before I was raped. So..when am I going to tire of living the lie?

If I could take some magic pill and not have multiples anmore, I can't say that I'd take it. They are me and I am them, though we are seperate.  I'm sure in the furture I'd happily take that pill but for now ... take me or leave me.

For those of you who don't velieve me, here is my confession.

 

It's all a lie.

Because I enjoy pretending to not recognize your friend even though I've met them before. I think it's funny to see them tilt their head in confusion and turn to look at you with a "WTF" expression. And I love acting like I don't remember what happened yesterday. And it's just SOOO much fun to look in my grocery bag and see something I don't remember even picking up. And you know what I find to be even more titalating? Walking past a mirror to discover that my chest-length hair has been cut to just under my ears.

Fuck all of you.  You're not important enough to me for me to care whether or not you believe me. If you're happy sitting in your little corner thinking that i'm some psycho chic manipulating my boyfriend and that Cory's an idiot for staying with me, that's your business.  It pisses me off that it hurts so bad knowing that no one believes me.

Yes, I know that my MPD isn't textbook. I know that I wasn't initally trauma based. It doesn't mean that it's not real. If you'd get off your fucking pedastel, you'd realize that I don't GET anything out of faking MPD. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

~*~/-/~*~

 

[identity profile] forever-alone.livejournal.com
Are there any 'professional' sites that discuss or even mention non-trauma multiplicity?

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