[identity profile] hiddenhikari.livejournal.com
So, this is Kayla, the host, speaking right now. I just got out of my third hospitalization where a doctor told me that I 'don't follow specific characteristics of people with multiple personalities or with dissociative identity' and said that because I can communicate with my other personalities it means that its all just my imagination and that I made it up a long time ago and have pretending for so long that it's become real. He also said that because I've never been abused that there's pretty much no way I'm MPD/DID. He basically forced me to tell him that they were all just my imagination with the threat of going to a residential treatment facility. After lying through my teeth and saying that I made it all up, he put me on some serious medication because even though he thinks its just my imagination he wants to treat me for the voices anyway. So now I can't hear them at all. None of them. Even the good ones that help me. And none of them can front or anything. I can't see them any more in my head either. Its like their whole world is just...gone. I don't know what to do with myself...
Has anyone else ever had a doctor tell them this? Or ever had this happen to them?

UPDATE: I'm gonna go ahead and answer a few of the questions and things that have been brought up and offered to me real quick.
1. Thank you all so much for you help and support! It's nice to know that at least SOMEONE doesn't think I'm a liar...
2. I do not have to see that doctor ever again. He was just the doctor for the hospital I was in at the time and not my real doctor. But he is the second doctor that's told me that same story and my real doctor barely gives me the time of day...
3. I don't need to wean myself off the drugs because the doctor is weaning me off them. After I 'admitted' that I had 'lied' he said he would slowly take me off the Risperdole or something like that, I can't spell all these crazy drug names so I just sounded that out haha
4. One specific personality, Sophie, does self-harm and is the whole reason I got sent to that hospital in the first place. TRIGGER WARNING She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom and got mobile crisis called. I've seen crisis pretty much once a week for a couple months now and none of them believe me either. Anyway, while I was at the hospital but before my doctor threatened me, I politely called Sophie out on her self-harm/suicide attempts, Shell on her bingeing/purging, Samuel on his... psychotic behaviors, and Alex on her just plain bitchyness. The whole system was upset we had to go back to the hospital and the four trouble makers finally agreed not to get in the way of living my life. When I tried to tell my doctor that they had agreed not to hurt me anymore he looked me blankly in the face and said "I do not believe a word that comes out of your mouth." I was crushed. I bawled my eyes out because I just got the difficult ones to finally cooperate and now I was being told that it didn't even matter. So I'm hoping that once the doctor takes me completely off the medication they'll slowly come back. Even after one day without the medicine (because my parents haven't picked up my refill yet) I already got a little bit of communication with two of them again. Lizzy said that they didn't leave me, the medicine just made them all very tired.

I'll update again once my doctor gets me completely off the new medicine and let everyone know if our system goes back to normal. It's been really helpful to hear that so many other people know what I'm going through!

Also, it's a little strange that the doctor there knew so little about MPD/DiD considering there was a girl in the hospital with me who was actually diagnosed DiD, but she had a completely opposite kind of system than mine. She only new three or four of their names, she didn't hear them talk to her, and when she would switch no one could even tell. It seemed like she didn't switch one time all week, whereas I was switching a bunch of times a day.

So I saw my therapist yesterday (a good one, that actually believes me and stuff) and after I told him everything that happened he was like "That douchebag..." and was super apologetic about what happened to me there. Then we started talking about why everyone left the headspace. The doctor at the hospital said it was because "I finally told the truth" but I thought it was the medication. My therapist thinks everyone was just scared I was going to make them all leave and we both agreed that we wouldn't try to get rid of them, and we would focus on making sure that if I need to, I can take back control if one of them goes back on what they promised. And we agreed not to talk to my parents about any of this because my dad is super against the thought of me being a multiple, he's against me being different in any way at all...oh well though, as long as I know my therapist believes me and we're on the same page with where we want to go with this, I can see a silver lining after all! He said he might want to keep me on the medicine after all because apparently its just for stabilizing my mood, not getting rid of the voices, which just promotes his thought that the others were just scared. I've been trying to reopen communication with them, telling them that they are real and not to believe what that mean doctor said and stuff and telling them that our therapist believes in them. I've started hearing about five of them again. So far I've gotten back Jack, Lizzy, Shell, Alex, and Logan. Maybe in time the others will return too.
Thanks to everyone that's been commenting on my story and being so helpful about help getting off the medicine (which I don't need to do anymore thankfully!) and just giving me a kind word and believing me! It's really been helpful, but after that session yesterday I think things are really going to work out after all :) 
[identity profile] utopiandystopia.livejournal.com
Okay just a few minutes before work so i'll write this out....
questions )


Jan. 3rd, 2007 01:00 am
[identity profile] tvoytoy.livejournal.com
i'm jane.
i have a question for nontrauma-based system-members.
so, how did you realized you are multiple? have you heared some voices one day or something else?
remember please you first "meeting".
and happy new year for everybody.
to tell you the truth -i feel the unspeakable tenderness while reading this community.it's like being your common mom=)
[identity profile] ladycatherina.livejournal.com
University of Manchester researchers look into how "hearing voices" can be a positive experience for some:

[identity profile] tempusfrangit.livejournal.com
Just wanted to share with you all the nifty find that was found during a late night jaunt to Wal-Mart.

I want one.. do you? lol )
[identity profile] xarog.livejournal.com
I'm new here. I saw someone referrnig to her(him?)self as a multiple on another message board I visit. I thought I'd ask more about it since I kind of felt the same way... And now I'm here. Hi everyone =D

The rest of the post is too long x_x )


Jul. 26th, 2005 09:40 pm
[identity profile] ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com
tonight i was skimming through the stations, cuz i'm feeling all alone tonight. probably cuz i'm sick, and NO one wants to deal with me. blah.

anyway, backing off the emo-ness there...

i came across some... tv interview. it was like some independant station interview thing. i don't know how to explain better.

the host chick was interviewing some guy. i wanna say he was a multi... but...

he was going on about how he hears voices, and kept on not knowing what he was talking about. and she kept laughing at him, as did i.

i think he was TRYING to be (acting, at least) serious, about being a multi, but this just blew my mind. the host chick seemed to be trying very hard to stay serious with him, but even i couldn't keep a straight face.

"it's like... voices... yeah, voices... in a... radio... and... you can hear them!"
"could i hear them?"
"if you tried..."

.......urgh. i dunno. the guy seemed to be trying to force himself to have answers. like he wanted attention or something.

anyone else ever see something like this, and doubt it highly? aside from the dumbasses who just mock, and need to be tossed into a lake. :) i don't doubt many people, but this was just... messed up.

if anything, it just made me mad, and wanna slap someone. hard. ~_~;
[identity profile] distanteyes.livejournal.com
Disclaimer: Opinions and confusion points of separate splits in here do not reflect on the opinions held by all. - W***

We have been wondering about these for a while, but did not have anyone we could ask. Any input or opinions are welcome. I understand how multiples work; I just get confused when it doesn’t follow standard definitions. It makes me wonder if I am just being delusional. - L**

Do all multiples hear voices in their heads? We were wondering about this. We almost never ‘hear’ anything. We tend to just switch and often know what everyone else is thinking, but not because we had a conversation, but because we just know. Do you have to hear voices in your head if you are a multiple? What does it mean if you do or don’t? - L**

Does anyone have somebody in their head that is in denial about them being a multiple? For example explaining shifts and alters as attention getting devices caused by sleep deprivation. We have never been abused in a ‘conventional’ manner when we where little, so she says we have no reason to be a multiple. This person in my head is very logical. What are logical reasons to prove that theory wrong? - W***

Does anyone else have splits that do not front and will hide if looked for? Why does this happen? What does this mean? Does it mean that we have hidden parts that are likely to do something evil at the worst possible time? - L**

Is there such a thing as a multiple that will not randomly lash out and hurt people that are close to them? - A****

Compiled by W***
[identity profile] riagoose.livejournal.com
I'm here because I've lived my life knowing something was different about me. I don't know if it's multiple personalities, but I'll tell you about it because I hope someone will understand.

I have definite voices in my head that say things to me that I must listen to. Things about how I look or who I am or should be. Sometimes luring me into punishing myself for the things I do or think or say. The voices aren't always speaking but I know they are there.

I remember very little of what happened in the past. I remember definite bits and pieces and sometimes large pieces of time, but people will ask me what I thought of a movie I guess I'd seen or something I'd done and I just don't remember doing any of it at all.

Most of the memories I do have are of me watching myself do things and that's the weirdest thing to explain. Like I'm above everything watching from above and not really there.

I get this welling feeling like something really terrible is going to happen and then something will emerge like screaching wailing tearful childlike crying. It isn't me and it isn't who I would choose to be or how I necessarily feel, but I'm being stomped out by this other part of me that is weasling it's way out--I'll be helpless and limp and cling to my husband and then I won't remember anything until I wake up the next day or so and everything is 'normal' again. Sometimes I'll rage around when I am feeling quite content and happy and have no way to stop myself...

I do things that I'm not aware of at all--like all of a sudden I am looking at a screen/paper full of beautiful sorrowful poetry and writing that isn't mine and doesn't come from me and I don't know how it got there and my husband says I was writing it...it was me, but not...I struggle to write anything and stop to erase and scribble out words and it takes me hours to write one poem when I myself try to write.

ok maybe I'm saying to much and maybe I'm going to be deemed a weirdo or something for admitting this, I don't know what it is...But I need to get on with life and I can't ignore these things any longer.


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