Jul. 20th, 2007 06:20 am
[identity profile]
How can we possibly be successful in this life.  It seems everywhere we turn, the deck is stacked against us.  It is increasingly difficult to even want to get out of bed each day.  The pain is so bad that most jut want to go inside and abandon the body until this "problem" has resolved itself. 

[identity profile]
Today was bloody awful. A lot of stuff happened: I could use a shoulder (or #>, depending on the system) to cry on. It's long, and complicated. For those not following my journal or previous posts, we have 5 system members, 4 of them only recently unrepressed, and having been in the tumultuous process of learning to cope with the changes while being true to myself.
[identity profile]
Well, I got my psych profile back, or rather, my parents did. Now, read this and then tell me if I should be pissed.

He used the word pathetic at least 3 times.
The word silly well over 5 times.
The entire thing was condencending.
He said I was sexually disturbed because I made a sexual joke...which he liked. (wtf?)
He pretty much used everything I did to strengthen the view he got of me in the first minute.
I was cautious which obviously means I'm faking.
I couldn't explain it well so I was obviously faking. (I would've used this place and many others like it but I could tell he would've used that to say I was trying to be a part of a group >.<)
No all of my teachers and parents have this view of me.
Joy of joys.
[identity profile]
As some of you know, I am very nervous about going home for the holidays. However I've packed, I've got a little bit of washing up to do and then that's it, I'm going to do it. My ticket is only valid for today, I can't back out now.
This is it.

Well-wishes and/or prayer would be much appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for your support. I am now home, and doing much better than I feared. Ellen.
[identity profile]
So, yeah, I'm at my (er, our) grandma's house for Thanksgiving. The computer I'm on is in the same room where Dad is sleeping, and it's lucky he's a sound sleeper, because he has no idea I exist.

I've been becoming more and more "present" in the world. Last Sunday I actually came out and participated in a conversation face-to-face, for the first time ever. One of the people there didn't know we were multiple, the other did. (Well, his two headmates do, too, to the extent they were there.) Talking is surprisingly easy, when it's something you care about. I'm trying to work my way up to things like introducing myself to Rob's friends - the physicists as well as the more accepting geeks and psychics.

And now I find myself with my family - and I do consider them to be my family; I take my brotherhood with Rob seriously, and I love our relatives, too. But the moment I saw them I found myself all the way back and hiding, like I'm thirteen again. I'm not ready to tell any of them yet, I don't even have any idea whether I'll ever be able to. Just fronting in my grandmother's house has my heart pounding, and while it's novel to actually feel it, I really hate the fear. And I hate taking time off my personal growth for a holiday, it feels like backsliding.

Has anyone come out to parents or siblings? Does it ever go well? How does it go wrong? And, for anyone who's had to teach themselves to front and interact with outsiders, how did you handle getting in situations in the middle where you had to be closeted?

Anyway, I'm off to clear my grandmother's internet history...

[identity profile]
This weekend I got an email from a mother of a teenager who has just come out to her as multiple. The mother asked me what advice I could give her in how to relate to her daughter. I said I would compile a list from other people for her so if any of you are willing, what ONE piece of advice or thing would you tell her? Mine is...

under the cut )


Jan. 13th, 2006 06:21 pm
dwoucke: a drawing i made of me wearing a red hat (Default)
[personal profile] dwoucke
Hi, it is normaly [ profile] judif from our system that does writing here - or sometimes [ profile] eide - but now i have got a question.
Our outside brother had a baby (well it was his girlfrined that did acatully have the baby cos our brother is a boy!). That means that [ profile] eide is the baby's aunty (cos she is the grown up). But what are us kids - are we auntys too or cousins or something else or not really anything?
[identity profile]
I wish they'd remember that my multiples are not characters. They're not always controlled by the will of the writer when they're spoken to via instant messages. Treating them like 'just another roleplay' will get someone hurt... me, if you're not careful. One stepping in to stop the other from wanting to tear a hole in your throat, for example, for having the audactity to mock old, dead relationships that he was involved in.

It's dangerous to poke dogs known for a habit of viciousness. I can't keep the leash on him all the time.

So I suppose.. on the earlier subject of multiples hailing from fictitious origins... is this a common problem? People who just don't get it... or worse, who tend to forget?
[identity profile]
Tiea was having this finally awesome long talk with her 24 year old bio daughter. Daughter tends to call her Mom and act like all is perfectly fine with talking to us only problem is she calls on the weekend when her husband is working so tonight she comes out and says shes been reserching MPD on the Internet and has some questions but she wants only to talk to her real Mother so Tiea is like "ok" and poof gets nervous about the questions and leaves TOTALLY GONE JUST LIKE THAT. more Read more... )
[identity profile]
So I did what I never thought I could do-- but I've wanted to do for a long time.

I told my father about my multiples. At length, in a calm and rational discussion.

And he didn't try to disprove me. Nor did he belittle me, or cut me off, or ignore any of the things I was saying. It was not an easy conversation, and I had to stop several times and let us gather all the things we wanted to say. But he was patient, and he did more than just sit there and nod-- he *listened,* and more, he asked me about them, personally. What they felt like, what their motives and goals are. He seems perfectly willing to accept us all as one whole working machine with more than one 'cog.' And that's a great feeling, know that if he doesn't completely understand... at least he's not going to sit there and try to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

It's a good feeling. Very good. And I'm feeling a little less suffocated for it.

I only hope more people can have this good an experience when revealing themselves to family members.
[identity profile]
every one is confused about us in the community and now even scarlettekitten because one comment got deleted i havent figured out how that happened yet i am not a troll or a spammer( dont even know what those are ) or looking for sympathy because i have heard you some of you believe in walkins and otherkin thats what i was afraid was happening last nifght i. i did not think the red color would go in the community post since i have never seen color there i thought it would post equally in my journal in red and go to auto formatt like this when it got to community i was freaked while writing last night and when i say bashing we call it body bashing when we are out front and we get bashed or slammed out of the way by co fronter who wants complete control that kept happening. i was asking if it is possible for ghosts to be in system i have added lots of good contributions to this community i just had a really long bad night not at all looking for sympathy looking for answers i could smell mothers perfume things were freaky in my home whole system was afraid we were asking has anyone had this haunting feeling happen with a dead person and they posses your body cause two days ago someone posted to me that she had a demon when i explined a presence and not knowing if its a he or a she yes we work with pregnant teenagersand cancer survivors but we never excelled in computers other than word and excell and powerpoint we have not known how to use lj just when we think we are doing it right we make a mistake scarlettekitten helped us allot get are mood icon up and explain userpicks and how to get to post we saved that page in our favorates maybe thats why it deleted we wanted it for eaty acseess. yes we write in a free form style when tired and last night were disconnected cause we were upset about what we wrote not being importent when we finally shared us with the whole world that is all. we knew nothing about it going into jour journals for frinds I wrote multiplicity and thats I guess what happened we did try to LJ cut we wrote it in tags like faq sheet says but eveidently it did not cut I was saying I am not JADEDONE cause I was posting after her she was speaking of drugs and we were getting ready tomleave for Reunion and we thought we might get blasted which we never do it gave us the idea we wanted to say we have a jade but not the one that just posted jade started this journal and maybe we should let just her write in it cause she was catching on and we are not you can have two masters degrees in human resourses and social work and not know how to follow a thread so or tags. we are sorry for scaring and upseting everyone we are genuinly sincere and for real with everyone we are jsut afraid Dead other could be another self in us so we wrote a apology to her for her dying with bad words spoken between us dead mother said wasthings that are coming true like a curse and we could feel her energy and were afraid she had joined us at death but i realize we did not explin that well that is in the purple color ther red was the first time we realized we are most likley respomsible for her death cause we left her and she was given high dose of morphine she asked doc for she was suppose to sleep the weekend but she stroked and died if we had been there we would not have allowded her to have lethal dose administred we all thought she was living with us last night anniversery of death
[identity profile]
I have a specific group of people in my system who refer to themselves as Pam. Most of them are the remnants of when the original owner of this body went nuts and split. The rest of us are here because we are past lives, soulbonds, or we needed a refuge. Just before Pam descended into madness, she created me, Mela. The Pams very seldom front or deal with the outside world--they are scared, and have been burnt too much. I (and the other core members of the system) think it is critical to help heal (probably not integrate, but definitely heal) the Pams. I've been "in charge" of the system for four years now and we've made amazing progress, but we feel that the next step is to help the original member. We can't move forward as a system until we can help the Pams to become more functional.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

Also, my parents have taken to reading "An Unquiet Mind." I think this is a book about bipolar. Does anyone else have any experience of this book? Is it helpful at all, or do I have some work ahead of me dispelling them of some ideas?

Any suggestions of a good book about multiplicity? bipolar?
[identity profile]
Are there anr good groups for multiples who are parents or will be very soon? I am due to have my first child November 9th and have tones of questions and no one to answer them. My best friend has a son so the basic baby/pregnancy questions I have covered but I have no one to ask about parenting from a multiples perspective.

Thanks :)
[identity profile]
Anyone know of any good, credible sites that have information about multiples and raising families (or anything along those lines)? Communities on places such as LJ and Yahoo!Groups would work as well. I've a friend who needs the information but i couldn't recall any right off hand, and i lost all my bookmarks in the switch to a new computer. Meh.

Thanks in advance.

[identity profile]
So, I recently told my mother about being part of a system. It went rather well, I think. The first thing she said was that she didn't know much about multiplicity, but she knew it wasn't schizophrenia. That's more than most people understand.

It took a bit of courage to do that. I figured she wouldn't understand, or she'd be freaked ut and think I was crazy or something. I know I'm not, but having a reasonably close family member think you are would kind hurt. It was bad enough when I first started going through depression all those years ago. But now I'm out of the closet, so to speak.

*chuckles* My closet has many brooms. I've taken to referring to them as my broommates. XD

So, out of curiosity, how many people within your family know of your situation? How did they react? What did they say, and how did they treat you?
[identity profile]
Theory: It is possible that a child born to someone dealing/living with plurality "issues" can carry the personality traits of the person who was forward at the time of conception.

I see evidence of this in the 2 children that came from this shared womb. And yet on the other hand there is nurture VS. nature. I'll explain...

Supporting the theory:
The son, Blair is amazingly similar to the one who was out for his conception and majority of the pregnancy. He is whiney, spoiled attitude, cries at the slightest deviation from his wants. He throws temper tantrums at the thought of a "misplaced" toy, that is actually in his pocket. Basically he is a brat, yet can flip on the charm, and tell you exactly what you want to hear, or what is needed to get the result he wants....Just like Sandy (2). He is 6.

The daughter, kaitlyn is very strong willed, rarely cries (with the exception of going through teething) will growl when angry, and throws things when she's mad. And like her "mother" has a look that will burn a hole right through you when she's pissed. she also has no qualms about taking what she wants, even if that means fighting with a child much bigger. She shows very little fear, and laughs when other children would cry and being startled. Very stubborn, also. She's about a year and a half. Rachel's child. Beautiful, but deadly.

Going with nurture Vs nature,
Blair is being brought up mostly like an only child, and does get most of what he wants. He is only here two weekends a month. But he also very rarely has to say more than "I want that" when a new commercial comes on, and his father and grandmother go out and get it. He does not get a great deal of attention and spends a lot of time alone, watching Tv, or playing video games.

Kaitlyn is well, a year and a half. And in my opinion taken very good care of, gets a great deal of attention. Has a regular, or atleast semi regular schedule. She also has no want for anything, but then again, she can't really ask for anything. But if she grabs a stuffed animal in the store, she gets to leave with it.

What are your thoughts?
[identity profile]
Sara is with me tonight. I've missed her terribly and, more than anyone, her insights and humor keep me centered. She chases those thoughts of suicide right out of my my mind. She saves me. She inspires me to write and to think about the world. She leads me to the bookstore and makes me prowl the aisles; she bids me to buy the banned books and the literature calculated to make you think. She empowers me, allowing me to walk across downtown Seattle tonight without an ounce of fear. Sara never misleads me. She's my heart and soul. I love her more than anything.
[identity profile]
I was wondering. Is there a support group for family or friends of people with multiple personalities on live journal? Thanks. - C***
[identity profile]

'm having a bad week i think... maybe some of you will understand... this is pretty much crossposted from my journal... sorry if i'm not s'posed to do that but no one seems to read my journal.
hurting... )
i just wish i could live here with my family and that they could accept this a little. i love them all so much but none of them know who i am or will listen when i try to tell them.
[identity profile]
Had talk with Stepfather this afternoon.

Short talk. he's an idiot, an asshole, and a moron who insists he knows stuff about me that *I* don't. know. (UIL)

He says that i'm not MP. He also says that he wants to know what I think. Yeah, right. He wants to know what I think so he can shoot me down. No thank you, ASSHOLE.

He says I have an anger problem and a big problem with my temper. Well, pardon me, Mr. Know-It-All-About-Someone-You-Have-Never-Bothered-To-get-to-know, perhaps you could tell me why Saddam Hussien does what he does then. Or maybe you think he's beneath you.

Oh, yeah, he also says I need therapy. Who the hell died and made HIM a god?

Especially since there are big trust issues, and he isn't helping any!




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