[identity profile] freddie2431.livejournal.com
I did get one good thing out of therapy....or, partly it was therapy.
I do think that I would have been better off, having gotten the information out of books. But I don't know, that's water under the bridge. Everyone who knows me, knows I feel therapy did me a great deal of harm.

But anyway. The one thing it did give me, was the notion that *just maybe* my memories were of things that had really happened, and not just a lot of evil sinfulness that I was making up because the devil had ahold of me....and yadda yadda, I'm sure you've heard the rest of *that* evangelical bullsh******t.

Later, when my stepdad was elderly and diabetic and in my mom's care, I saw some things re-enacted, and I knew for absolutely sure that no, I hadn't made it up or exaggerated it.

Meanwhile, though, I do think that the thought of 'maybe I'm not lying', kept me from suicide long enough to get to that point.

I know this sounds rather along the 'disordered' rather than 'empowered' line of thought....and what I would say to that, is that I think trauma-multis have every bit as much right to empower ourselves, as....well, anyone else. I would compare it to losing one's hearing in adulthood, and joining the deaf community as a fully empowered and whole person. (And I do know there are some rifts in the deaf community, just like there are in the multiple community. I'm just sayin', I feel like those rifts are pretty useless.)
[identity profile] nansvision.livejournal.com
05:15 am: Empowerment in the Present.
So much of our individual and combined energy has been used to maintain our concealment. In early life, this was essential and served us well, except when the system malfunctioned, which happened frequently, because our power was so often taken from us by abusers. That is no longer pertinent to our present life. It is hard to shed the cloak of secrecy, but perhaps we have outgrown the need for it. Perhaps our hidden identities have outlasted their usefulness and no longer serve us. We tried to adhere to the medical conception by merging into one being, believing that was the only way to mental health. But, that is their model, not ours, which appears to most outsiders as resistance on our part, giving us an unhealthy label. It's hard to describe, this integration as originally perceived; but it feels oppressive and compulsory, even when we tried to comply with the expectation and comform to the accepted standard. Fortunately, our therapist did not restrict our healing process or force this outcome upon us.
However, I was reminded of the prevalent beliefs on this topic, when a close friend visiting from Florida, inquired whether we were all integrated yet. It's like cramming us all into the same space. We know we have to share the same body, which was and still is a challenge at times, but losing our uniqueness because the medical community states that we must do so as the only means of achieving wholeness, the cure for the disorder they came up with, with a specific set of criteria and rules.
I am much more understanding and less bitter toward this perspective, perhaps because I, Nan, am a therapist myself, but we as a system reject the mental illness, disorder theory and framework, in favor of the healthy, creative survival framework as the purpose of our existence. There is no doubt that within us there was considerable disorder, disfunction, chaos and perpetual conflict. There were destructive elements to recognize and overcome. But this is true to a greater or lesser extent, for everyone, whether one self or many, single or multiple. We are now ready and willing to step beyond our inner world, and be open to experiencing life as our own conscious revelation. We are choosing to unfold, rather than to fold up like an accordion, all smushed together. The value of an accordion is in its ability to move and make music. We each have our own legacy, which we don't need to keep Nan from knowing. We don't find it necessary to dissociate in order to express ourselves or to be real, apart from Nan entirely. Now, we can have diversity and harmony without catastrophe.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Listen. Do You Want To Know A Secret.
[identity profile] darkest-art507.livejournal.com
I joined this community several months ago and this is my first post here. Please take me seriously I’m in dire need of help. First of all, I have been diagnosed with DID, PTSD, depression and self injury issues. I’m a survivor of long term childhood sexual abuse and I have been in therapy since 1990 dealing with everything. Currently I’m in therapy at a free sexual assault crisis center. My problem is that since it’s a center for victims of sexual assault they won’t put a diagnosis on my mental problems. My current therapist is even reluctant to acknowledge the possibility that I have multiple personalities. But anyone who is around me for any length of time picks up on it rather quickly. I am a multiple and I always have been one.
My mate and I have been together for going on 26 years now and we’re on the verge of breaking up because of my multiplicity. I’m on the brink of losing it because of everybody inside me getting out of control. My life is in total shambles because I can’t keep myself mentally together enough to work a regular job. In the past I had her support and understanding but now that is ending. In the past I worked when I was able, but now I’m totally nonfunctional.
I just can’t keep things together enough to hold a job. Has anyone else ever been unable to hold a job for any length of time because of their multiplicity?

I was wondering if I should seek help at another mental health center where I have to pay for their services. Maybe then my multiplicity will be finally addressed? I really have to get it under control because it’s wrecking my life. In the past my multiplicity helped me to function but now it’s a hindrance. Lately I have been losing track of time. Sections of my life are blacked out and I’m unable remember what went on. In the past it was as if I was watching somebody else living my life. There are times in my life where I can’t remember anything at all about what went on, I have no memory what so ever. But they had a clear beginning and end to them. But mostly, I’m sort of aware when another person is out. But I can’t do anything to change what they are doing. But like I said, recently I have had a total loss of time and I’m really scared that I’m losing it. Right now, I’m Cynthia she is the one who more or less decides who needs to be out in order to function. In attempt to be a singular by my core personality, I have been suppressed or kept inside for five or six months. Right now in our lives everything is in shambles.

What I was wondering, should I seek help for the DID and MPD somewhere else where they will take it seriously? Is there some kind of medication that I could be put on to stop or at least slow down the personality changes? Can all of this be brought under control or am I just hopelessly screwed up mentally? Please take me seriously, I’m not faking this, it really is wrecking my life.
[identity profile] firewheelvortex.livejournal.com
Pat Stubbs of MAH has chosen to piss me off. Not only am I, as an empowered multi, not REALLY multi, I'm also making up my Aspergers.

I'm not sure what the bug up Pat's ass is, but it seems to boil down to the fact that we unapologetic multiples aren't suffering enough, due to a lack of appropriate therapy. She outlines this in her preciously named blog, "pulses of plurality."
Read More... )


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