I view nonfunctional multiplicity as something with missing time and system members being unable to communicate and the like.
conveying in words i could not find, exactly what i have been going through...
talked w/my psychologist this week about it and he's suggesting we keep track of this and asked about letters written, emails sent, things bought, places gone w/out my forefront knowledge...
i told him this had been happening for years, but i blew it off as "forgetting" because people DO forget things from time to time...i mean, after all, don't most people talk to themselves in their head, right?
heh, it's only when my daughter tells me "you know you have a british accent, right?" and "umm, when did you forget to know how to make coffee?"
cuz that happens to everyone, right?
it's only been within the past 3 years that it has become more and more prevelant, which confuses and scares me to no end...people at work have said things of concern and i brush that off as having a bad day, or i'm feeling emotional or whatever comes out of my mouth that makes sense to them and they walk away - satisified w/the answer they've been given only to leave me befuddled as to just exactly what was said...
system members being unable to communicate and the like.
i read this and thought - oh yeah, well, THE LIKE part got me in the emergency ward w/about 3 stitches on one wrist and bandages on the other because apparently there is a sullen 16 yr. old boy that gets angry quite easily and then gets self destructive...most of the time it's contained and curtailed, but sometimes - well, sometimes it just happens...
i was there in the hospital all day...then i saw my psychologist that afternoon...
so he asked for copies of things that had been written and/or sent and such and i asked my friend to help me w/that because the last time i thought to do that - the paperwork got lost and my friend said,
"maybe there's someone who DOESN'T want anyone to know at all"
and i brushed it off as "forgetting"...
i've come to find that when i "go" somewhere else or however that can be explained, i get this bone-chilling cold shiver, and it's slightly numbing and not all that pleasant...usually happens when i feel stressed and/or threatened...
what happens to you when you "change"?
i've taken a break from posting in my personal journal because every time i put in the attempt, it's gone...nothing gets posted, not even jokes or pics or whatever - so i took a break...someone wrote a nice note and that was that...sometimes it bothers me, but i'm going with it for now...i've been in other communities and lj's of friends, but nothing like being here where i feel better...well, as good as i can feel...
anyhow, i don't know where i'm going w/this - but thanks for letting me ramble...
I am a system member of the lj account I am posting with. You can find postings y or system, as well as a picture gallery of us on our LJ, feel free to add us :)My name is Hayden and I am otherkin (kitsune) and I am interested in how systems work.
Due to certain events in the body's main personnas/hosts life, I have been fronting for over a day now, which is the longest for me ever. Usually its a few hours at the most. With Sam (the host) having a girlfriend, its awkward when she wants to see her boyfriend, and one of us are out, and she will usually tell us to go away. I'm not usually offended but Alex gets very offended by that, as he loves fronting and experiencing the world first-hand.
Do you think thats fair at all?
Also, when fronting today, I was surpised that I knew things, even though I, myself had not ever learned them. For instance I went to the hospital and knew the way, I knew the dr's name, even how to cook food. Does anyone else experience this sort of universal know-ho when fronting? I just thought it was interesting, thats all :)
PS: On the make-a-post form, next to the account name, there's a little link called "Switch" that I find very amusing. If only it was so easy. - J
someone else posted about being locked out, and not being able to sense the others, and that sort-of rings some bells, but this was kind of like we were a blur. we went from having switches to having a consistant perspective and it really fucked me up. i wasn't bel anymore or any of the others, but i didn't exactly change either. but it's like the thoughts lost their flavor and i couldn't tell who was who, so it was just "me". i kind of assumed that we'd integrated, but then once shit in our outer life got more stable we started being able to look at each other as sepatate beings again. another thing that was messed up about that period of time was that i started having a lot of what i can only describe as strange psychic phenomena happening around me (lightbulbs blowing, minor precognitions, electronic devices malfunctioning around me, and other weird shit) and other senses opened up in such a way that it totally overloaded me and i had a hard time staying grounded. i'm not entirely sure what set it off in the first place, but it fucked my life over hard core and i really want to get a better understanding.
anyone else ever have something like this happen? i'd love to hear some other perspectives because we're still not back to "normal" and system communication is still pretty low and it's bothering us. we know that we are "we", but we don't really feel quite real since we're having trouble communicating or knowing exactly who is out. sometimes it's very clear and those moments are all that is keeping us going. but we really want to understand this better so that we can stop going through life feeling like a zombie.
Bel and rina of the Crowd
Since last night, I've not been able to establish a connection with the rest of our system. Every time I've tried to go back inside, I've only been able to see blackness instead of the usual room we're in. Nobody else is talking, and I can't see them. Is this normal?
( further details )
We are a multiple system, and...I'm bad at introductions. We're pretty big, considering. But alot of people who are "here" don't come to the front often. We've been loosely calling ourself an 'open system', where people can come and go as they please. Some people stay, others drop by, then leave. High traffic, oftenly. >__> But it makes things interesting.
We found this community by journal hopping, so made an account to join (because if we joined on the other account, we'd get some raised eyebrows from people ;-;).
Oh! Sorry, um, my name is Ticker, though just commonly Tick. >__> And I come bearing questions!
We've been (officially) a system for maybe two years now, due to constant denial and constantly thinking "OHEMGEE DID is bad!", but yeah..those thoughts passed, we opened our arms to everyone and were like "Hey! Hell with that!". People'd been lurking around here long before, but you know..
But two things: One is that, lately, we've been having trouble communicating Inside and Out. It's like there's a screen between the two, and only little pieces of residual are getting through, and we can't See clearly. D: And we were wondering if anyone has had something like this happen before, and if anyone has any idea of how to, I guess, remove that screen?
It also makes people going In and Out difficult, and there've been times when people who aren't comfortable being Out from long periods of time, being sort of "Stuck".
The second thing, is that we have Schizophrenia, on top of this (though the Schizophrenia is troublesome, whereas this is not). I don't know if it's really a body-oriented thing, or if the er..host (? I don't know what else to call Her >__>) has it and it's just filtering through. But regardless, it's there, and it makes things really unstable and confusing (thankfully, it isn't severe, but it has..er..grown in the past year).
So we were wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation with that, or not. Because honestly, we want to go to a Psychiatrist and get medication for it (we haven't seen our Psychiatrist in a few years, which was originally only for anxiety. But he diagnosed us with Schizophrenia and WAS going to prescribe us medicine, but we declined and hadn't gone back since~), but we don't know how the medicine would effect us as a whole, what it would do, or anything like that.
Thank you for your help, everyone who may reply, and thank you for even reading! >__> :D
Does anyone know any methods of making the difference less obvious?
( One of our members came up with an intriguing test that I'd like to request be done, if so: )
In case anyone's interested, ( I've got a story to tell... )
Right, enough of the mushy touchy-feely stuff. Down to my problem, then. A couple of days ago, I came to ( a very strange hypothesis. )
I hope that we'll be able to become good friends. Thanks for the help and I'll keep an eye open for any interesting things to share.
What brings it up is that I'm going through the psych. evaluation process again, in order to get disability services for ADD from the college I'm going to. (I moved cross-country on short notice last year, and the previous psychologist seems to have dropped off the face of the earth.) So it's back to monitoring every little thing I say about the inside of my headspace, and having to somehow make it seem like I'm not.
I suspect that the stress is blocking me off from my brainmates; I haven't heard from them for more than a week now. (Or maybe I've just pissed them off, but I doubt it. Neither is the sort to use the 'silent treatment' against anyone.)
Can't wait to get this over and done with.
- Kathru, alone
Somewhat recently my group experienced a rather upsetting event (to put it very mildly), and sadly discovered that there was an utter lack of communication during it. Only one more of us was able to squeeze through, days after the fact, to steady things out some. It was a bit of a shock, I tell you—made us re-consider our possible origin(s) and/or reasons for being!
So, the question:
Have any of you experienced this in a similar sort of situation? Hopefully you haven't had to deal with anything particularly dire, but still... do you find that what you had considered a support network can suddenly vanish when the going gets rough? (Possibly 'stranding' someone at the front, I suppose, if you've no usual/original around.)
Well... we apologize for the long post, we have to learn how to do cuts one of these days. (EDIT - Making him do that now... ~Sarika) *bounces to good music*
Good night to all of you out there who are enjoying this unique and complex way of living.
~Jadaira (typing) and Sarika (bouncing)
I had my first serious blackout today. I'm missing five hours. I can't seem to figure out what I did, as nothing in the house looks differant, the tv was off the whole time, and I wasn't on the internet. (What *can* you do for five hours alone in a house with no books that produces no disturbance of *anything* in the house?)
I have regular blackouts, but they occur for under 5 minutes at a time, and ONLY while I am driving. This one is seriously differant. And it is a serious concern.
I think this has been caused by my Lamictal. The longer I am on it, the harder it is for me to think. It was very hard for anyone else to front yesterday, and impossible to front for over a minute or two, even when the intense desire existed. Today it has been hard for me to think and I can't get anyone else to front at all (except for the blackout.) Communication has varied from very spotty to not at all.
I've decided to stop Lamictal, and since I'm only on 25mg, it won't pose any risk of seizures. It only seemed to make my bipolar and anxiety worse anyway. I'm emailing my psychiatrist with my decision.
Ideas? Advice? Comments?
Hi everyone. we're new here, so I guess we better introduce ourselves. This is the first time we've tried to explain our rather confusing situation, and we've only been consious of being a multiple for a month or so, so if this is confusing, we're really sorry.
-Lynn, and Silver
Since language is linked to memory, this may be why most of us don't have the same kind of access to memories of when we're not fronting. On the other hand, none of us seem to notice any subjective difference between thinking in a way that the others percieve as words, and in a way that comes across as wordless.
Does anyone else have this sort of thing going on? And if so, have you found anything in particular that makes communication easier?
One of the main resons Kitsu says she will not frunt is becose if she did she says she knows they wouldn't be able to get me back to the frunt again
The most I can remember is beign pushed aside some by my feral side as my ragefull anger trasfured to her and we kinda lost it a couple times, then i'm just kind shoved aside as she takes over and i gota calm her and myself down
so i've never realy been fully not in control and remembered it (though i think kitsu did some stuff once while I was sleeping)
So this makes me wonder...... whats it like when your not furnting, that kitsu thinks I would wana stay that way?