[identity profile] hiddenhikari.livejournal.com
So, this is Kayla, the host, speaking right now. I just got out of my third hospitalization where a doctor told me that I 'don't follow specific characteristics of people with multiple personalities or with dissociative identity' and said that because I can communicate with my other personalities it means that its all just my imagination and that I made it up a long time ago and have pretending for so long that it's become real. He also said that because I've never been abused that there's pretty much no way I'm MPD/DID. He basically forced me to tell him that they were all just my imagination with the threat of going to a residential treatment facility. After lying through my teeth and saying that I made it all up, he put me on some serious medication because even though he thinks its just my imagination he wants to treat me for the voices anyway. So now I can't hear them at all. None of them. Even the good ones that help me. And none of them can front or anything. I can't see them any more in my head either. Its like their whole world is just...gone. I don't know what to do with myself...
Has anyone else ever had a doctor tell them this? Or ever had this happen to them?

UPDATE: I'm gonna go ahead and answer a few of the questions and things that have been brought up and offered to me real quick.
1. Thank you all so much for you help and support! It's nice to know that at least SOMEONE doesn't think I'm a liar...
2. I do not have to see that doctor ever again. He was just the doctor for the hospital I was in at the time and not my real doctor. But he is the second doctor that's told me that same story and my real doctor barely gives me the time of day...
3. I don't need to wean myself off the drugs because the doctor is weaning me off them. After I 'admitted' that I had 'lied' he said he would slowly take me off the Risperdole or something like that, I can't spell all these crazy drug names so I just sounded that out haha
4. One specific personality, Sophie, does self-harm and is the whole reason I got sent to that hospital in the first place. TRIGGER WARNING She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom and got mobile crisis called. I've seen crisis pretty much once a week for a couple months now and none of them believe me either. Anyway, while I was at the hospital but before my doctor threatened me, I politely called Sophie out on her self-harm/suicide attempts, Shell on her bingeing/purging, Samuel on his... psychotic behaviors, and Alex on her just plain bitchyness. The whole system was upset we had to go back to the hospital and the four trouble makers finally agreed not to get in the way of living my life. When I tried to tell my doctor that they had agreed not to hurt me anymore he looked me blankly in the face and said "I do not believe a word that comes out of your mouth." I was crushed. I bawled my eyes out because I just got the difficult ones to finally cooperate and now I was being told that it didn't even matter. So I'm hoping that once the doctor takes me completely off the medication they'll slowly come back. Even after one day without the medicine (because my parents haven't picked up my refill yet) I already got a little bit of communication with two of them again. Lizzy said that they didn't leave me, the medicine just made them all very tired.

I'll update again once my doctor gets me completely off the new medicine and let everyone know if our system goes back to normal. It's been really helpful to hear that so many other people know what I'm going through!

Also, it's a little strange that the doctor there knew so little about MPD/DiD considering there was a girl in the hospital with me who was actually diagnosed DiD, but she had a completely opposite kind of system than mine. She only new three or four of their names, she didn't hear them talk to her, and when she would switch no one could even tell. It seemed like she didn't switch one time all week, whereas I was switching a bunch of times a day.

Update:
So I saw my therapist yesterday (a good one, that actually believes me and stuff) and after I told him everything that happened he was like "That douchebag..." and was super apologetic about what happened to me there. Then we started talking about why everyone left the headspace. The doctor at the hospital said it was because "I finally told the truth" but I thought it was the medication. My therapist thinks everyone was just scared I was going to make them all leave and we both agreed that we wouldn't try to get rid of them, and we would focus on making sure that if I need to, I can take back control if one of them goes back on what they promised. And we agreed not to talk to my parents about any of this because my dad is super against the thought of me being a multiple, he's against me being different in any way at all...oh well though, as long as I know my therapist believes me and we're on the same page with where we want to go with this, I can see a silver lining after all! He said he might want to keep me on the medicine after all because apparently its just for stabilizing my mood, not getting rid of the voices, which just promotes his thought that the others were just scared. I've been trying to reopen communication with them, telling them that they are real and not to believe what that mean doctor said and stuff and telling them that our therapist believes in them. I've started hearing about five of them again. So far I've gotten back Jack, Lizzy, Shell, Alex, and Logan. Maybe in time the others will return too.
Thanks to everyone that's been commenting on my story and being so helpful about help getting off the medicine (which I don't need to do anymore thankfully!) and just giving me a kind word and believing me! It's really been helpful, but after that session yesterday I think things are really going to work out after all :) 
[identity profile] clsa.livejournal.com
Some times I feel like there will be a moment where everyone will collectively crack a wide smile and bow, going "Tadaa! We're not really strange after all, but we sure had you fooled, yeah?" and I'll be the only one left, with that everlasting feeling as though I've somehow missed the bigger picture and brought this all upon myself.

Hi

Apr. 30th, 2007 08:05 am
[identity profile] brightflashes.livejournal.com
It has almost been a decade since I even thought about being a multiple or having DID to begin with, but the topic keeps coming up in my life lately. I'd just as soon forget all about it, but something is nagging at me to learn more about my past experiences (perhaps my near-fullterm pregnancy). I'm hoping that this community can help shed light onto whatever I went through when I possibly had multiple personality disorder.

What triggered me to join this community is the seething anger I experienced recently at the hands of someone's alter. I had recently made friends with someone who revealed to me eventually that she was a multiple. I found so much in common with her that I started to share with her my past experiences. She instantly invalidated that I ever even had such experiences, said that I was lying for attention more or less, and one of her multiples started to attack me passive-aggressive style saying things to invalidate that I ever had the disorder and convincing mutual friends that I was just trying to win at the "who can have more problems" game which was totally untrue.

Read more... )
[identity profile] gharveyn.livejournal.com
An issue many multiples are facing is the appearance of pseudos. Pseudos pretend to be multiples, possibly for amusement or for attention. Pseudos help reinforce the public perception that persons claiming to be multiples or who may have ‘valid’ MPD or DID diagnoses are faking it or are delusional. Pseudos make it harder for genuine multiples to be accepted in society, even among societies which are predominantly multiples.


No one ever likes to be doubted, but multiples that come out of the closet are often met with doubt or even derision. The whole concept of being a multiple can be very scary to many people including multiples. The scary thing about multiples is the issue of trust.

We may all want to be able to trust people, but multiples represent a special case because they may hold very different opinions, beliefs, desires or expectations in different personalities. When we build a relationship with someone whose fundamental beliefs seem to change from moment to moment we may have a hard time trusting them and relating to them.
Read more )

Hello

Feb. 1st, 2007 08:55 pm
[identity profile] darkriss.livejournal.com
So, I joined this community, because I'm starting to seriously wonder if I am a multiple or dissociative . I never thought I could be until recently, because I have all my memories, there aren't times when I feel like I've blacked out or anything like that. Sometimes it feels like a memory was a dream, though. Like I was there, but not really. And as for my behaviour, there does seem to be two very opposite personalities inside me. I am often very cruel and manipulative, and have trouble with feeling anything but anger or jealousy. And then every once in awhile, that part of me completely fades and I’m all of a sudden caring and very emotional, often crying which I usually cannot do. And then the rest of the time I behave the way I feel is appropriate for the situation; if someone is upset, I’ll try to cheer them up because I know that’s what I should do. I have also heard voices, but I think that may have been my over- active imagination. I’m very confused because I don’t think I am a multiple or dissociative, but part of me keeps saying that I could be. After I found this community, I figured I should ask here, because I don’t want to ask my therapist about it, and I don’t really have anyone else to ask. So, could someone tell me if I could be a multiple or dissociative. I’m not asking you to tell me I am or am not for sure, just if I could be.
[identity profile] coconutchica.livejournal.com
hey, i've been thinking a lot and i just must know.....how do you know? i mean i'm borderline but i have to be honest. i finally totally understand my friend's system. but kate said that she always thought i was a multiple. and honestly, i have to kind of consider it. i mean......everyone in her system could trigger me to anything...i wouldn't even notice until a couple days ago when i finally noticed how rapid switching could be and what set her off.

like, i constantly argue with myself in my head, but i've always considered it me. but that is what my friend said too....like i know i'm VERY dissociative so i dont know if my mind and my body just actually talk to each other and have conflicting interests....but i so often want different things at exactly the same time, or totally change in a second my mood .... and i feel like a little kid a lot. i mean i have always used plastic cups out of fear of breaking a glass. i always feel like i'm at my grandma's house when i open a cabinet for a glass, and she died when i was 7.

and i always randomly remember things and get annoyed by them. basically i see her actions mirroring a lot of mine, i just never knew before bc she tried so hard to hide her differences from the world.

i have never felt like i belonged in this time period and i've always believed in past lives....i'm just so freaking concrete, i have no idea what this is all about.

sorry to ramble. i just had to get it out.
[identity profile] coconutchica.livejournal.com
ok, i think i figured it out. i am definitely still just borderline (well, and depressed and anxious and my own personal bundle of fun issues) but i just have a persona that i turn on an off reasonably volunarily. i mean, it's been going on for so long that Perfect Girl, as she is known, has some conciousness, I guess you could say, or at least, thoughts, since she mainly is a thinker (i'm concrete, she has to be separate from me. this is where my confusion sprung from).

me, the real me, is emotional and body oriented and is not to be trusted by Perfect Girl apparently. i screw up and make mistakes and am HUMAN like everyone else.

those weird feelings i had the other day were when i was having thoughts and feeling simultaneously. i never used to do that. i was totally compartmentalized. i'd actually say "i can care about that in a minute" if i was doing something (oh yeah, doing body things was totally separate also. i couldnt drive and talk very well. i just liked to sing along to the radio).

emotions, thoughts, and life itself was totally random and unexplainable. rules seemed to just come from anywhere so i thought i could make my own too. i didnt know i needed to take responsibility for things until the last minute. i was like child child child then suddenly reality would sink in at the deadline so i'd have to be an adult about it and do things.

so i'm working on integrating my self and my facade, and it's scary. it's very very hard to talk and think at the same time. i used to monitor my thoughts but this is like, actually caring about what i'm saying instead of just lying and saying what i think people want to hear. i had a real conversation today! it was pretty sweet.

so i cant summarize. but i'd like to add that i def appreciate all the support you guys gave me when i asked my initial question, and i definitely have a new perspective on what it must feel like to just not be yourself but know that you're doing things.......well that your body is.....and that people get confused that you dont appear consistent....bc the real me likes to swear and laugh and cry and yell and be loud and unfortunately borderlines get a little excessive.

ok make that excessively excessive. lol.

question

Dec. 4th, 2006 04:58 pm
[identity profile] coconutchica.livejournal.com
hi, I've always considered myself a singlet, but something strange happened to me and i just wanted some feedback.

i realized that i have been sort of repressing emotions/memories since i was 3, when my brother was born (i wanted a sister and thought if i was good i'd get what i wanted. i didnt get what i wanted, so i figured i must have been bad, so i became Perfect Girl to my parents).

now i never even realized that i was being Perfect Girl to my parents until my friend Hillary (who is also in this comm) told me and then i finally realized that, yeah, i talk differently and have a totally different facade with my family - i'd never swear, admit to anything bad, i lie to my parents but very carefully, only got caught a very few times doing anything bad growing up, honor roll, etc.

so i was working all of this stuff out and also thinking about how i can't do trust falls (i think i would fall forever) and i really felt like i was in a trance. i could barely form the words "what would happen to me?" regarding the trust fall. i had never even gotten that far in the thinking process before. i just assumed i'd be obliterated completely the second i gave up control. i felt like a really little kid again.

so i've felt that my mind and body have been at odds for a long time but now i think it's more like i need to get rid of the Perfect Girl facade. it's been 24 years of practice though, so it will be hard. i apologize if anyone here feels this is inappropriate, but to be it seems like an integration issue and i could use advice there.

also, any ideas on that trance thing? i've never been hypnotized but i've also never before felt like i was SOMEONE ELSE and it was scary. like it didnt feel like my brain or anything. i was trying to ask a question sooooo hard but i didn't feel like myself, and my mouth was resisting, and the room looked weird and hazy, and i felt inside my head, not inside my body. it was freaky. it went away after i asked like 2 questions.
[identity profile] dacnomaniac.livejournal.com
So, this is a question I posed to two members of the community...

"This is very complex shit. Sigh. I still feel like a singlet, except I know I'm not one and I also feel each distinct aspect very individually. Does that make sense? Is that how you experience it? Regardless of who's fronting I always feel like 'me', just a different sort of 'me', and yet as noted, I can also talk to the other 'me's as though they were seperate, and they interact without 'my' urging, 'I' don't control them, and... well, fuck, they're not the same as 'Me'. But I'm still ultimately one being. I think. Is this a normal manifestation of plurality or am I just extremely confused?"

I'm no longer so sure of any of that, but it's the basis for the rest of this post. And I'd still like to hear what other people think about that.

This started as a reply to a comment, but it got too long, and, honestly, I wonder what other people's input is too. I'm so sorry for cluttering the community but I'm not sure where else to go for input here. (Also, because it was mentioned -- I'm not after backpatting, albeit I don't want to have my balls ripped off and danced upon either. I want input and information from people who know this stuff better than I do, that's all. Say what you're thinking even if you think I won't like it or I'll disagree with it. *Every* piece of non-fluffy information will be used in my self-exploration. I'll probably be at this very intently until I feel like I've worked it all out and since you're the best-only resource we have, we'll probably make total asses of ourself until I'm satisfied.

Oh dear. Our pronouns are slipping. That's another thing I'll need to try to standardise, as at the moment I honestly have no idea which feels more appropriate. Really, 'I' when referring to myself, 'I' when referring to Myself as a whole (the head-pack) and 'we' when referring to us as a group of individuals seems best, but too confusing for others. I dunno...

If I'm making a mess and being overly noisy please, *please* tell us. I, Delve, would *much* prefer to know what I'm doing wrong so as to put a stop to it than continue blithely along pissing people off. 'Cet doesn't really care in the persistent drive towards information, but that's what I'm here for, to keep us all under control and out of trouble as best as possible.

Anyhow...

On the sources of my conclusions re:plurality, unity; other things )

Again, if we start cluttering the place up, or just get obnoxious in general, please say as much so we can mend our ways accordingly. Any and all input is appreciated and will be considered. Thanks in advance. :)

--'Cet and Delve
[identity profile] dacnomaniac.livejournal.com
ETA: I forgot a couple of important aspects. I have no idea how I managed that. Fixing now. Also adding some thoughts about our... well, no, maybe not. Should I make a new post for new thoughts or add them to this one so as not to clutter the community with our chaotic denial-busting? (As that's what it really is... we're realising we've been plural much longer than we thought, even before we stopped being just normal contextual personality modes and started being 'aspects', AKA one whole made of seperate parts, in denial about it. We're not as seperate as many of you seem to be, but there's us, the parts of the totality that is Me, and then there's My characters. Until I learnt the concept of 'plurality' as opposed to the pathologic DID [and yes, I believe both exist and that they're two entirely different things, one healthy and natural and one pathological; I don't understand the anti-psychology theme I get from so many multiplicity communities, as the problems with it are due to abuses, misuses, and misunderstandings of the discipline both by 'professionals' not deserving of the title and by others, and not the discipline itself, but that's another post altogether.] I was not aware that my characters were different from the normal writer-character paradigm, but according to that alone, I've been plural for years now. This is just the shattering of the last barrier to my conscious acknowledgement of the fact that I'm not one multifaceted stone, I'm a mixed-media art piece. If that analogy follows. I actually feel more like one soul being expressed simultaneously through several different, self-aware minds, but I'm not sure if that's what's actually going on. Okay, I'm rambling. Back to the post. --'Cet

------

Okay, things are getting a little out of hand here, so I'm going to step up, take the reins, and type out our 'minutes' so to speak, to help us finish working our shit out and also to keep the peace steady.

To start off, I'm 'Cet Diamorphine, AKA 'the Walking One' in our internal parlance. Delve, 'the Dog', and I are pretty much what's left of our 'source' -- who we were when we were one functionally as well as essentially.

What's happened, we figure, is this. Cut for rambling and a bit of internal arguing. )

Sorry about the last, confused post, by the way. That was Delve's last grasp at supremacy/unity, we think. (He disagrees. I'm not listening.) I'd get rid of it save it's against community rules. The last instants before a big change are always messy, though. Discovering our non-feminity wasn't pretty either, so why should this be? Still a bit of a pain in the ass.

You have any advice for us? Delve wants to know what other primaries (he wishes) did when their other selves (hah) first manifested, how they dealt with it, and especially when it happens. He resents the fact that this took 22 years to happen. I keep telling him, not everyone starts as kids, but he's not listening to me and he won't take the keyboard.

Screw it. Time for massive self-indulgence! Or not. Not works. (Puritanical queens.)

--The Walking One
[identity profile] dacnomaniac.livejournal.com
I ... don't know if I should be here. I'm not sure I belong here, that is. I don't know if what I'm experiencing is multiplicity, or what. But the userinfo of another multiplicity community whose name I can't recall convinced me that, if nothing else, I should research this and seek input from people who do understand their internal phenomena in this context (I'm not sure that's how I mean to phrase it... oh well.) I'm a little frightened by this, for no reason I can discern, but I've finally worked up the nerve to bring it up.

Of course, now I'm not sure where to begin.

homo homine lupus )

I'm confused and, frankly, feeling rather stressy and frustrated by this. I just want to know what the hell is going on here. Can anyone explain this to me? Give me pointers?
[identity profile] hazelwindows.livejournal.com
I don't know how to tell when I am who. There are little cues, sometimes, like manner of dress or emotional comportment, but I have to look from the outside in, in order to see these. Then there are the dreams, and the identifications with concepts/characters outside myself.
-excerpted from [livejournal.com profile] effeteifrit



Now see, with some exceptions, I have mostly interpreted feeling myself experiencing the above as it is described to mean that whether I am "multiple" or simply quite multi-faceted, I am functional enough that it no longer has to alienate or disturb me. That I have always had different names even as a child, what does that really mean? So does the child who is playing make believe, pretending to be two people talking back and forth.


A funny thing happened on the way to feeling cohesive )
[identity profile] atrypical.livejournal.com
Hey guys... I've got something to tell you.


I think the other 'personalities' were caused by too many medical stimulants. So it turns out I'm probably not multiple at all... :/

I would still like to remain in this community and talk to you all, though!

Basically, this has been going on for several years, more so when I was given more medicines that act as stimulants. Mom's theory is that I had so much stimulation the natural "voices" in my head were just louder.

We took me off one of the meds and the voices haven't come back.
[identity profile] ohnosir.livejournal.com
Okay, well, here goes--

My name around here is DLFreak, or DL, as people call me. I am, in fact, an otherkin, but that really has nothing to do with the question I am going to ask.

And I don't think the answer's 42. )

~DL
[identity profile] spookshow-girl.livejournal.com
It seems some people are concerned that others on this community might be a "bad influence" on the new members of this community. As an all-around bad influence, and the sort of person that parents don't want their kids meeting, I call bullshit. I've never influenced someone who didn't want to be influenced in the first place.

If someone chooses to define their existence by the postings of someone else, on the internet, they've already got a problem that is not solved by "protecting them from the crazies". If everyone here jumped off the brooklyn bridge, would they do it too?

It really doesn't matter which multiplicity philosophy they grab. If all they do is grab the first thing they see, they're already in for a world of trouble. Don't blame someone else for their inability to think for themselves.

To those who are looking for answers:

All anyone can give, while on the internet, is minimally informed opinions and advice. They don't live your life. They don't have the answers. They, bluntly, don't know you from a fucking hole in the wall. Figure it out for yourself. Sure, you can ask other people for input, but the final assessment should be yours. If you are fucking crazy, it's best to be fucking crazy due to your own opinions. Second-hand delusions do noone any good. Who wants to be a cut-rate generic whackjob?

End rant.

--Me
[identity profile] silence1986.livejournal.com
Hi all,
I'm new to this community. I'm Astrid, aged 19 and have had people in my mind since I was about 11 I think. though I fantasized about being "someone else" and all that long before. I used to think that I was sort of mid-continuum, in that I have people in my mind on whose perspectives I will act (which I can't influence) but that I don''t lose time or important personal information, ie. I'll always remember that my name is Astrid and I'm 19, etc.

However, over the past couple of months I've realized more and more that my insiders are an identity issue rather than anything personality-related, ie. I'm not at all multiple but just can't see that all these people are actually one and the same. (Of course, the psychiatric model also says that it's an identity disorder, but the way therapists treat DID is usually as if it were a personality thing, ie. the insiders/alters truly being separate. I btw don't have DID.) This got me to think about my insiders from a cognitive-behavioural viewpoint, thinking that in many ways it's something about rationally seeing that I can "integrate" the insiders instead of looking at it from a more traditional, psychodynamic viewpoint.

This is at once helpful to me, ie. if it's cognitive-behavioural and I rationally know this, I should be able to throw away the system right away, but at once it's confusing, since if I know I created the others because I couldn't see that this is all one person, why can't I just shut down the system, now that I know this? Why can I say, rationally, that I'm one, but still feel that I'm nine? Am I analysing too much? People who don't know too much about my system say so, and it makes me feel as if I'm making it up. I don't have DID, cause I know that my "multiplicity" is not dissociation, but it's not just my thoughts/feelings that have gotten names, and neither am I a natural multiple or someone claiming she likes being multiple (I would love to be "fully" singlet). Or am I just an adolescent who's confused about who she is and is taking this a little too far? This is at least partly true, but does that mean I'm overreacting? I'm sort of confused and any comments would be appreciated.
[identity profile] fadingtogrey.livejournal.com
I have a question I'm not sure how to phrase... I've seen symbols like ^ and & being used around people's names, in the context of multiple systems. I think I understand the general idea of it, but in all my research I've yet to come across a clear definition for them--or any definition at all, really. Can someone define these symbols (in the context of multiples), with some examples perhaps?

Also, a word to some of the newer members of the community. )
mikeprime: (Default)
[personal profile] mikeprime
Greetings all,


My name is Corin and while I do not seem to be a multiple at this point, I had a time where I...shattered, fractured..whatever. Basically in 1999, several things happened that I did not deal with well on top of attempting to supress parts of myself I then considered 'Evil' (Darker, violent, but mostly just different). the next 2 and a half years of my life (meaning 1999- mid 2001) are slowly coming back into cohesion as I have lately been looking back. But there were times when I (Mike) was not in control, and was not the one speaking or talking. I always knew what was up, and when I was in control, I could feel the other (Corin) still active inside. It wasn't just Corin/Mike, but nothing else was a clearly defined, and active or vocal outside of my head. I think the rest were other aspects of my soul, from when I was other then what Corin and Mike were. I tended to Id them by the type of 'Kin they were, and they/we responded in kind. I'm not clear on -when- Corin and Mike agreed to work together to restore balence and unity, but it did happen. My memory is mostly coherant, but I now realize that several of my younger (elementary school years) 'blackouts' were other aspects pushing 'Mike' back. At this point, there is only one set of memories, and one Identity, though my personality does indeed shift at times between aspects of myself. I use Corin for anything aside from legality as I couldn't accept as 'mine' the name I was born with, as my dad named me after him. I don't believe this was anything other then my spirit fracturing for a bit, and dealing with my past selves and the aspects that I had to wrap my head around. Thus am not sure if that counts for being a multiple or not.

So...um..Hi?


-Corin

Question

Oct. 7th, 2005 11:52 am
[identity profile] uforeah.livejournal.com
Hello,

I am new to this community and I had a question for you all.

How do you know if you are multiple? I realize that it can vary depending on the person and the situation but I would really like to have some insight.

I am fairly certain that I am, and that the people I hear and see in my head aren't fake but I would like to know if there is any sort of checklist (for lack of a better word) that can help me see.

Also, if its not too personal to ask, how did some of you discover what you were?

Thank you!!

All of me.
[identity profile] sethrenn.livejournal.com
After some comments in a few recent threads, I was thinking about the issue of peer-pressure as it relates to multiple systems, and people feeling that their systems/groups/etc "should" be a certain way simply because other people's are.

Have people felt inadequate for having 'too few' people in their systems, or for not having a world or a place where they go when they're not fronting-- that they're 'not multiple enough'? (Or, conversely, depending on where you go, for having too many people or too large a subjective world?)

I know that during the time when the MPD/DID model was the only game in town, a lot of ideas about "what MPD is" derived from the media or from highly influential cases, and a lot of what seemed to be standard or universal aspects of multiplicity were actually the result of patients being told that "everyone has (x)" or being surrounded by other patients who did. If you're pressured for long enough and told "but every multiple has an ISH," eventually you're going to fabricate one just to end the demands, and even believe in it if you have to, if you're sufficiently invested in the doctor continuing to take you seriously.

I don't believe this is going on to the same degree as it was during that time, but the fact that I see people asking questions like "I think there are more people in my system, how do I find them?" fairly regularly makes me wonder why they think there are undiscovered others, and if they're basing it off their own evidence or on the numbers they see in other systems. Or "where is our internal world"-- same deal. (This also works in reverse-- that is to say, attempting to change your system because you think it's 'too weird'; you might want to be careful who you tell about it if you think that's the case, but we've certainly seen the messes which can be left to clean up if you try to bend someone too far.)

I tend to agree with [livejournal.com profile] spookshow_girl's comment that trying to force your system to be something it isn't (as distinct from agreed-upon, cooperative change) is an unwise idea. I know there's still the widespread perception that high numbers mean you're "more multiple" than if there are two or three of you, thanks to ideas about "degrees of fragmentation" (and a way to prove you suffered if more abuse = higher numbers). It's a perception I wish I could erase, and in any case, trying to increase the head count often seems to lead to nothing more than labelling someone's separate moods as new people. Trying to change one's system because you feel it 'should' be a certain way, and not because everyone involved wants to work towards change, rarely produces any good results, if the cases I've seen are any indication.

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