[identity profile] marikunin.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] multiplicity_archives
Mostly due to Nathan being brutally honest with me.

Basically, the fact that I had 80+ soulbonds/others in my head was a strain on my emotions. As in he thinks it's why I had a breakdown. Nathan said that he was surprised that I had held on for so long. Now, Nathan is also a multiple. And he had the same problem that I did.

So yesterday evening-after the Arceus movie where besides his voice being dumb I enjoyed it-I sent about...*thinks* 16 or 17 to Jordan's mind to live there and sent 5 to Melissa's mind to live there. :3 I'm keeping 38...*notices that all but two of her others are in her mind and only 2 went to Jordan's mind* Huh. And then the rest...(like 21 or so...)...I'm...*thinks of how to put it* I'm reabsorbing them? They'll kind of...become a part of me...I...guess....

I didn't originally want to do it, but all my others and soulbonds kind of agreed that the fact that there were so many of them was hurting me emotionally/mentally and the ones that are going to be absorbed understand and don't really mind...

Which I don't get. But...it won't be painful for them or anything...really, the ones I'm reabsorbing are soulbonds from, like, watching a movie or a random TV show.

...I know that there are multiples that have a TON of people in their minds and function fine, but the way I form bonds with my others/soulbonds is so that I can really only have a certain number before it starts to affect me negatively. Which...well...I was getting to be very emotionally unstable. Which is bad.

....Yeah. So...that's really it. *hugs you guys* ...Anyway, comment if you can/want...:3

-Mary of the Black Sunflower Collection

Date: 2009-11-24 04:27 pm (UTC)
ext_313720: Mine. (SPN Dean~ Somewhat Lost)
From: [identity profile] light-ftw.livejournal.com
Well, whatever works for you the best.

I just can't imagine 'absorbing' anyone of them around tbqh, but then, I don't view them as 'soulbonds' in the very first place, so my perspective is really a lot different. Speaking from the position of the 'here head'.

I've done some merging with my back-a-while bonder/bond, though, continually. That was supposed to make the other one disappear and the remaining in the same place person function a bit better as a single unit and more, duh, 'stable'.
It didn't work in the end, we were still attracting each other even as 'energy' forms and it was a mix of strain on both sides most often. Formations of mind are kind of harder to get truely 'rid of'.
I've just sort of left it behind me, thinking of it as a closed chapter and most often, just not 'paying attention' to that history being there.

Date: 2009-11-24 07:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kyouketsusha.livejournal.com
I just can't imagine 'absorbing' anyone of them around tbqh, but then, I don't view them as 'soulbonds' in the very first place, so my perspective is really a lot different.


Date: 2009-11-24 05:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sethrenn.livejournal.com
Hmm. Personally, we've found in the past that during times when it felt like there were "too many" people in our system for our own good, it was because we were subconsciously pressuring ourselves to have a certain number, or to have a certain number who were active at the front at any given time. Which was stressful for everyone involved, including the people who didn't want to have much to do with the front but kept getting hauled back out to be fronters, or to have a soulbond/muse role or similar.

When we were able to relax and let go of the idea that numbers had any significance in terms of how "real" or "authentic" we were, or how we "should" work, some people did back away from the front naturally and didn't communicate with others so much. It didn't seem to mean in our case, though, that they'd all merged with others or stopped existing; there were times when some of us concluded that someone was either gone for good or had never really been there to begin with, and then came back in force years later, leaving the rest of us to fumble around and apologize for jumping to conclusions about them. (There was also a time when I, personally, had deliberately created "splits," with traits of both myself and others, but when the conditions I'd been pressured to section them off from me were gone, we all kind of drifted back together naturally without consciously doing anything to push ourselves in that direction.)


Date: 2009-11-25 09:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kindmemory.livejournal.com
We accumulated so many splits over the decades, didn't admit multiplicity until (I hate mentioning the age I think it freaks out some of the younger folks) I was 49.

It's so confusing, though some of us, when our needs were taken care of, we just got quiet and went into the background it seems. Like reabsorption, maybe. I think some have actually left for good, some just kind of go on about their day, being helpful and there to be consulted if necessary.

We had so many that I do not even know who it is that left, Aleck/Alex, Myers, one recently whose name I don't know, they def. have left.

Yeah it is confusing, though Ben says he likes it. I know it's insane and just not manageable once we work more toward common goals, getting Liz up to where she should be in life. Numbers just make it confusing. Though doing group therapy on the inside is helping.

We lost count after 100, sure there are at least 125, 150. It's just been nuts in there.

Thanks for making the chat room by the way, I've had a few good chats.

Date: 2009-11-27 01:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tej-agni.livejournal.com
Our group is very large. But only a small amount ever come around to front at one time. Except for holidays like today. :) For some large groups there is another place for people to travel to that is away from the front. That way there is considerably less pressure on the fronters. And it's much quieter. I'm not saying (obviously) that this is a solution to your problem. Only that it could be how some large systems are able to have so many around without it hurting any one person.

Can you explain to me what it means to absorb someone? Are you saying they were created by someone and they are somehow disconnecting this creative energy in order for them to be no more? I'm curious what this means and how it's done. :) -Kalli


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